Dr. Stuart Ablon

And it depends what you're trying to accomplish because plan A, imposing your will, it may get your expectation met. Right. But it might get very ugly on you. Right. It might harm the relationship. Yep. And there's no skills that are being developed by imposing your will upon another human. Okay? Yeah.

Yes. But let me make one clarifying comment here. List out the things that are frustrating you. That's going to look like a list of behaviors that are frustrating you. And then just sort of put that aside, get it out of your system. I want you to really make a list of the specific situations in which those frustrating behaviors are happening, okay?

Yes. But let me make one clarifying comment here. List out the things that are frustrating you. That's going to look like a list of behaviors that are frustrating you. And then just sort of put that aside, get it out of your system. I want you to really make a list of the specific situations in which those frustrating behaviors are happening, okay?

Yes. But let me make one clarifying comment here. List out the things that are frustrating you. That's going to look like a list of behaviors that are frustrating you. And then just sort of put that aside, get it out of your system. I want you to really make a list of the specific situations in which those frustrating behaviors are happening, okay?

So your list should not look like disrespect, screaming, crying, running out of the room. It should look like, when's that happening? Over what? What are the triggers, the precipitants, the situations, okay? Because that's really what you want to prioritize with these three plans.

So your list should not look like disrespect, screaming, crying, running out of the room. It should look like, when's that happening? Over what? What are the triggers, the precipitants, the situations, okay? Because that's really what you want to prioritize with these three plans.

So your list should not look like disrespect, screaming, crying, running out of the room. It should look like, when's that happening? Over what? What are the triggers, the precipitants, the situations, okay? Because that's really what you want to prioritize with these three plans.

Okay, so plan A, we talked about that. Plan C, when would you choose plan C? Plan C is going to keep things calm. So if you just want to avoid a meltdown or avoid a challenging situation for now, it'll do that. The problem is the problem lives on, right? Your expectations haven't been met. Skills aren't built by just avoiding something temporarily.

Okay, so plan A, we talked about that. Plan C, when would you choose plan C? Plan C is going to keep things calm. So if you just want to avoid a meltdown or avoid a challenging situation for now, it'll do that. The problem is the problem lives on, right? Your expectations haven't been met. Skills aren't built by just avoiding something temporarily.

Okay, so plan A, we talked about that. Plan C, when would you choose plan C? Plan C is going to keep things calm. So if you just want to avoid a meltdown or avoid a challenging situation for now, it'll do that. The problem is the problem lives on, right? Your expectations haven't been met. Skills aren't built by just avoiding something temporarily.

Correct. And I was thinking about that as well, because you talk about in the book how let them is not giving in. It's not sort of ceding. It's actually a very mindful action. It's strategic. And for parents, by the way, when we talk about plan C, I always ask people a trick question. I'm like, with plan C, who's in charge? And they usually say, the kid. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

Correct. And I was thinking about that as well, because you talk about in the book how let them is not giving in. It's not sort of ceding. It's actually a very mindful action. It's strategic. And for parents, by the way, when we talk about plan C, I always ask people a trick question. I'm like, with plan C, who's in charge? And they usually say, the kid. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

Correct. And I was thinking about that as well, because you talk about in the book how let them is not giving in. It's not sort of ceding. It's actually a very mindful action. It's strategic. And for parents, by the way, when we talk about plan C, I always ask people a trick question. I'm like, with plan C, who's in charge? And they usually say, the kid. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

You are still every bit as in charge as a parent because you're deciding not to pursue this. Yes. For now.

You are still every bit as in charge as a parent because you're deciding not to pursue this. Yes. For now.

You are still every bit as in charge as a parent because you're deciding not to pursue this. Yes. For now.

You got it. And you're choosing not to, if you're not going to pursue an expectation that's been leading to challenging behavior, you're going to reduce challenging behavior.

You got it. And you're choosing not to, if you're not going to pursue an expectation that's been leading to challenging behavior, you're going to reduce challenging behavior.

You got it. And you're choosing not to, if you're not going to pursue an expectation that's been leading to challenging behavior, you're going to reduce challenging behavior.

It really involves any form of challenging or concerning behavior. I always go back to anything somebody's doing you don't want them to do or not doing you want them to do.