Dr. Stuart Ablon

To help them figure out how to solve a problem? Practice problem-solving with them and not some hypothetical problem like in a workbook or something, but take a real problem. and problem solve using a structure that's proven, an evidence-based structure for solving problems. And that's what I think we should go to next, which is, okay, what do those ingredients look like?

To help them figure out how to solve a problem? Practice problem-solving with them and not some hypothetical problem like in a workbook or something, but take a real problem. and problem solve using a structure that's proven, an evidence-based structure for solving problems. And that's what I think we should go to next, which is, okay, what do those ingredients look like?

To help them figure out how to solve a problem? Practice problem-solving with them and not some hypothetical problem like in a workbook or something, but take a real problem. and problem solve using a structure that's proven, an evidence-based structure for solving problems. And that's what I think we should go to next, which is, okay, what do those ingredients look like?

Okay. Three ingredients to this process.

Okay. Three ingredients to this process.

Okay. Three ingredients to this process.

Okay. The first ingredient, the hardest, the most important. We call it the empathy ingredient. Okay. And the reason it's so hard is I think most of us misunderstand what the word empathy means. What does it mean? It means understanding. Okay. And we think that empathy means sort of expressing that we care by saying something like, I can tell you're really struggling. People think that's empathy.

Okay. The first ingredient, the hardest, the most important. We call it the empathy ingredient. Okay. And the reason it's so hard is I think most of us misunderstand what the word empathy means. What does it mean? It means understanding. Okay. And we think that empathy means sort of expressing that we care by saying something like, I can tell you're really struggling. People think that's empathy.

Okay. The first ingredient, the hardest, the most important. We call it the empathy ingredient. Okay. And the reason it's so hard is I think most of us misunderstand what the word empathy means. What does it mean? It means understanding. Okay. And we think that empathy means sort of expressing that we care by saying something like, I can tell you're really struggling. People think that's empathy.

It's actually not really empathy. Empathy is really trying to understand somebody else's perspective, point of view, concern, what's hard for them. So the first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is not coming in with your perspective, your point of view, your solutions, which is the mistake we make all the time. Instead, it's starting with, let me understand where you're coming from.

It's actually not really empathy. Empathy is really trying to understand somebody else's perspective, point of view, concern, what's hard for them. So the first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is not coming in with your perspective, your point of view, your solutions, which is the mistake we make all the time. Instead, it's starting with, let me understand where you're coming from.

It's actually not really empathy. Empathy is really trying to understand somebody else's perspective, point of view, concern, what's hard for them. So the first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is not coming in with your perspective, your point of view, your solutions, which is the mistake we make all the time. Instead, it's starting with, let me understand where you're coming from.

So there's a situation I want to talk to you about. Let me understand where you're coming from. And empathy... is the most powerful human regulator we have. You wanna calm someone, make them accessible, it's all about empathy. It is the most powerful way. And I'm sure, Mel, you've experienced this, I've experienced this.

So there's a situation I want to talk to you about. Let me understand where you're coming from. And empathy... is the most powerful human regulator we have. You wanna calm someone, make them accessible, it's all about empathy. It is the most powerful way. And I'm sure, Mel, you've experienced this, I've experienced this.

So there's a situation I want to talk to you about. Let me understand where you're coming from. And empathy... is the most powerful human regulator we have. You wanna calm someone, make them accessible, it's all about empathy. It is the most powerful way. And I'm sure, Mel, you've experienced this, I've experienced this.

If somebody really empathizes with you, really tries to understand where you're coming from, it is incredibly calming. And it's calming upon your whole system. I mean, this is why your words can literally change the person across the table, next to you, thousands of miles away. It can change their blood pressure, their skin conductance, their heart rate. Empathy

If somebody really empathizes with you, really tries to understand where you're coming from, it is incredibly calming. And it's calming upon your whole system. I mean, this is why your words can literally change the person across the table, next to you, thousands of miles away. It can change their blood pressure, their skin conductance, their heart rate. Empathy

If somebody really empathizes with you, really tries to understand where you're coming from, it is incredibly calming. And it's calming upon your whole system. I mean, this is why your words can literally change the person across the table, next to you, thousands of miles away. It can change their blood pressure, their skin conductance, their heart rate. Empathy

And when people are regulated, they're much more able to express what's going on for them.

And when people are regulated, they're much more able to express what's going on for them.