Dr. Stuart Ablon

When we do a good job of empathizing with another human... We're doing four things and four things only. Okay. And anytime we do anything other than those four, it tends to go off the rails. So here are the four. I promise they're not rocket science, okay? Two of them are information-gathering tools. Asking questions, clarifying questions, like any good detective would do. Yeah.

When we do a good job of empathizing with another human... We're doing four things and four things only. Okay. And anytime we do anything other than those four, it tends to go off the rails. So here are the four. I promise they're not rocket science, okay? Two of them are information-gathering tools. Asking questions, clarifying questions, like any good detective would do. Yeah.

Trying to understand what's going on, okay? Because that's your job. You're a detective. Trying to understand the other person's point of view. Ask questions, number one. If they're having a hard time filling you in, take some guesses, educated guesses, do it tentatively because you're not the expert on them and their experience, but educated guesses.

Trying to understand what's going on, okay? Because that's your job. You're a detective. Trying to understand the other person's point of view. Ask questions, number one. If they're having a hard time filling you in, take some guesses, educated guesses, do it tentatively because you're not the expert on them and their experience, but educated guesses.

Trying to understand what's going on, okay? Because that's your job. You're a detective. Trying to understand the other person's point of view. Ask questions, number one. If they're having a hard time filling you in, take some guesses, educated guesses, do it tentatively because you're not the expert on them and their experience, but educated guesses.

Questions and guesses, those are the information gathering tools. The other tools are what I call the regulating tools. They are what calm someone down if they're getting upset, shutting down. And those two tools are reflective listening and reassurance.

Questions and guesses, those are the information gathering tools. The other tools are what I call the regulating tools. They are what calm someone down if they're getting upset, shutting down. And those two tools are reflective listening and reassurance.

Questions and guesses, those are the information gathering tools. The other tools are what I call the regulating tools. They are what calm someone down if they're getting upset, shutting down. And those two tools are reflective listening and reassurance.

Reflective listening simply looks like when I ask you questions or take a guess, anything you communicate back to me, I let you know that I heard you. OK, and I try to tell people, especially with adolescents, but with anybody, you know, avoid the sort of rote, just like saying exactly back to you exactly what you said, because that's that's cheesy. It upsets people.

Reflective listening simply looks like when I ask you questions or take a guess, anything you communicate back to me, I let you know that I heard you. OK, and I try to tell people, especially with adolescents, but with anybody, you know, avoid the sort of rote, just like saying exactly back to you exactly what you said, because that's that's cheesy. It upsets people.

Reflective listening simply looks like when I ask you questions or take a guess, anything you communicate back to me, I let you know that I heard you. OK, and I try to tell people, especially with adolescents, but with anybody, you know, avoid the sort of rote, just like saying exactly back to you exactly what you said, because that's that's cheesy. It upsets people.

And it doesn't show that you really heard them. Instead, in your own words, reflective listening is saying something like, OK, so let me see if I got this straight. What I hear you saying is and then in my own words and other people call this active listening, it's crucial. OK. Fourth one, okay, because we've got questions and guesses. Yep. We've got reflective listening. Last one, reassurance.

And it doesn't show that you really heard them. Instead, in your own words, reflective listening is saying something like, OK, so let me see if I got this straight. What I hear you saying is and then in my own words and other people call this active listening, it's crucial. OK. Fourth one, okay, because we've got questions and guesses. Yep. We've got reflective listening. Last one, reassurance.

And it doesn't show that you really heard them. Instead, in your own words, reflective listening is saying something like, OK, so let me see if I got this straight. What I hear you saying is and then in my own words and other people call this active listening, it's crucial. OK. Fourth one, okay, because we've got questions and guesses. Yep. We've got reflective listening. Last one, reassurance.

And by the way, kids are onto this like unbelievably. And we do it so much that I have to say one of the biggest impediments to getting this off the ground is kids are skeptical. Like when we start this, they're like, oh yeah, what new form of plan A did you learn?

And by the way, kids are onto this like unbelievably. And we do it so much that I have to say one of the biggest impediments to getting this off the ground is kids are skeptical. Like when we start this, they're like, oh yeah, what new form of plan A did you learn?

And by the way, kids are onto this like unbelievably. And we do it so much that I have to say one of the biggest impediments to getting this off the ground is kids are skeptical. Like when we start this, they're like, oh yeah, what new form of plan A did you learn?

I get serious. I've had kids say like, what did you do to my mom? She doesn't even sound like herself anymore. But so reassurance to be more specific, the way to do it is to say something like, I just want to understand.

I get serious. I've had kids say like, what did you do to my mom? She doesn't even sound like herself anymore. But so reassurance to be more specific, the way to do it is to say something like, I just want to understand.

I get serious. I've had kids say like, what did you do to my mom? She doesn't even sound like herself anymore. But so reassurance to be more specific, the way to do it is to say something like, I just want to understand.