Dr. Stuart Ablon

Or one of my favorites is I know there must be an important reason that fill in the blank with the behavior not so wild about because I always remind myself I may not love somebody's behavior. I'm sure there's good concerns behind it. And that's what you're trying to uncover with empathizing. So you're asking questions. If need be, you take a guess.

Or one of my favorites is I know there must be an important reason that fill in the blank with the behavior not so wild about because I always remind myself I may not love somebody's behavior. I'm sure there's good concerns behind it. And that's what you're trying to uncover with empathizing. So you're asking questions. If need be, you take a guess.

Or one of my favorites is I know there must be an important reason that fill in the blank with the behavior not so wild about because I always remind myself I may not love somebody's behavior. I'm sure there's good concerns behind it. And that's what you're trying to uncover with empathizing. So you're asking questions. If need be, you take a guess.

If you hear anything from them, you reflect it back to make sure you got it. And if you need to, reassure them. So it looks like, you know, hey, I wanted to talk to you about how you've been feeling. I know I've been on you to get some help, but obviously there's good reasons why you haven't. And maybe I haven't done a great job listening. Can you fill me in? Like, what's going on?

If you hear anything from them, you reflect it back to make sure you got it. And if you need to, reassure them. So it looks like, you know, hey, I wanted to talk to you about how you've been feeling. I know I've been on you to get some help, but obviously there's good reasons why you haven't. And maybe I haven't done a great job listening. Can you fill me in? Like, what's going on?

If you hear anything from them, you reflect it back to make sure you got it. And if you need to, reassure them. So it looks like, you know, hey, I wanted to talk to you about how you've been feeling. I know I've been on you to get some help, but obviously there's good reasons why you haven't. And maybe I haven't done a great job listening. Can you fill me in? Like, what's going on?

Why do you think that's the case for you? And I'm sure you got a good reason.

Why do you think that's the case for you? And I'm sure you got a good reason.

Why do you think that's the case for you? And I'm sure you got a good reason.

You got it. You got it. And I promise you, you can't go wrong. If you stick to those four things... I'm not saying it's magic, but it won't go badly. And it's almost impossible for somebody to get really worked up or shut down when all you're doing is trying to understand patiently. And if they're looking frustrated at all, you're reassuring them.

You got it. You got it. And I promise you, you can't go wrong. If you stick to those four things... I'm not saying it's magic, but it won't go badly. And it's almost impossible for somebody to get really worked up or shut down when all you're doing is trying to understand patiently. And if they're looking frustrated at all, you're reassuring them.

You got it. You got it. And I promise you, you can't go wrong. If you stick to those four things... I'm not saying it's magic, but it won't go badly. And it's almost impossible for somebody to get really worked up or shut down when all you're doing is trying to understand patiently. And if they're looking frustrated at all, you're reassuring them.

And, you know, sometimes you have to press pause and come back to it later. Sure. But you won't go wrong with those four things.

And, you know, sometimes you have to press pause and come back to it later. Sure. But you won't go wrong with those four things.

And, you know, sometimes you have to press pause and come back to it later. Sure. But you won't go wrong with those four things.

So I'm going to do this with my hands here, okay? Because basically what you've done in that first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is you've gotten their concern or perspective on the table. Got it. Only once you feel like you've got that on the table and they're reasonably calm. And why are they calm? Because empathy is regulating.

So I'm going to do this with my hands here, okay? Because basically what you've done in that first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is you've gotten their concern or perspective on the table. Got it. Only once you feel like you've got that on the table and they're reasonably calm. And why are they calm? Because empathy is regulating.

So I'm going to do this with my hands here, okay? Because basically what you've done in that first ingredient, the empathy ingredient, is you've gotten their concern or perspective on the table. Got it. Only once you feel like you've got that on the table and they're reasonably calm. And why are they calm? Because empathy is regulating.

Then you move to the second ingredient, which is where you are going to share your perspective, your point of view, your concern.

Then you move to the second ingredient, which is where you are going to share your perspective, your point of view, your concern.