Dr. Stuart Ablon

Then you move to the second ingredient, which is where you are going to share your perspective, your point of view, your concern.

Well, no, no. But notice what I said. You're not sharing your solution to the problem. If you were, that would be what I call tricky plan A. You're sharing what you're worried about, why you're having this conversation in the first place, not your solution. And this is the heart of collaborative problem solving.

Well, no, no. But notice what I said. You're not sharing your solution to the problem. If you were, that would be what I call tricky plan A. You're sharing what you're worried about, why you're having this conversation in the first place, not your solution. And this is the heart of collaborative problem solving.

Well, no, no. But notice what I said. You're not sharing your solution to the problem. If you were, that would be what I call tricky plan A. You're sharing what you're worried about, why you're having this conversation in the first place, not your solution. And this is the heart of collaborative problem solving.

Yep. I mean, look, the reality is people want advice far less often than we think. And even when people seem open to advice, they're typically not going to follow the advice if they haven't been co-authors of the solution where their concern and perspective is accurately represented. Yeah.

Yep. I mean, look, the reality is people want advice far less often than we think. And even when people seem open to advice, they're typically not going to follow the advice if they haven't been co-authors of the solution where their concern and perspective is accurately represented. Yeah.

Yep. I mean, look, the reality is people want advice far less often than we think. And even when people seem open to advice, they're typically not going to follow the advice if they haven't been co-authors of the solution where their concern and perspective is accurately represented. Yeah.

So after you understand what's going on with them, you just share your perspective, your point of view, what you're worried about, not your solution. So if you had a solution in mind, you said, I think they need to do this, right? Like if you said they have to go see a psychiatrist and get medicine. Right. I would say, slow down, Mel. So you're saying they have to get medicine.

So after you understand what's going on with them, you just share your perspective, your point of view, what you're worried about, not your solution. So if you had a solution in mind, you said, I think they need to do this, right? Like if you said they have to go see a psychiatrist and get medicine. Right. I would say, slow down, Mel. So you're saying they have to get medicine.

So after you understand what's going on with them, you just share your perspective, your point of view, what you're worried about, not your solution. So if you had a solution in mind, you said, I think they need to do this, right? Like if you said they have to go see a psychiatrist and get medicine. Right. I would say, slow down, Mel. So you're saying they have to get medicine.

Why do you think they need medicine? Well, they're horribly depressed. They can't get out of bed. Okay, so your concern is how depressed they are and that they're not able to get out of bed. Fill me in more about what you're worried about. I just, I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I'm, you know, they're slipping away from, okay, good. I've got your concerns on the table.

Why do you think they need medicine? Well, they're horribly depressed. They can't get out of bed. Okay, so your concern is how depressed they are and that they're not able to get out of bed. Fill me in more about what you're worried about. I just, I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I'm, you know, they're slipping away from, okay, good. I've got your concerns on the table.

Why do you think they need medicine? Well, they're horribly depressed. They can't get out of bed. Okay, so your concern is how depressed they are and that they're not able to get out of bed. Fill me in more about what you're worried about. I just, I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I'm, you know, they're slipping away from, okay, good. I've got your concerns on the table.

So instead of saying, okay, I heard you, you need to go get medicine. You're saying, okay, I heard where you're coming from. And I like to teach people, say the word and. not but, because but is I heard you, but here's the real deal. The and is I heard you, and I'm worried that it's hard for you to get out of bed, and I feel like I'm losing you, and I just see how much you're struggling.

So instead of saying, okay, I heard you, you need to go get medicine. You're saying, okay, I heard where you're coming from. And I like to teach people, say the word and. not but, because but is I heard you, but here's the real deal. The and is I heard you, and I'm worried that it's hard for you to get out of bed, and I feel like I'm losing you, and I just see how much you're struggling.

So instead of saying, okay, I heard you, you need to go get medicine. You're saying, okay, I heard where you're coming from. And I like to teach people, say the word and. not but, because but is I heard you, but here's the real deal. The and is I heard you, and I'm worried that it's hard for you to get out of bed, and I feel like I'm losing you, and I just see how much you're struggling.

Now we have two sets of concerns on the table. Then and only then do we move to the last ingredient, the one everybody's really eager to get to, which is where you're inviting the person to problem-solve together, to brainstorm solutions. But you have to tee it up like this. The reason I keep using my hands like this, if you only have one set of concerns on the table...

Now we have two sets of concerns on the table. Then and only then do we move to the last ingredient, the one everybody's really eager to get to, which is where you're inviting the person to problem-solve together, to brainstorm solutions. But you have to tee it up like this. The reason I keep using my hands like this, if you only have one set of concerns on the table...

Now we have two sets of concerns on the table. Then and only then do we move to the last ingredient, the one everybody's really eager to get to, which is where you're inviting the person to problem-solve together, to brainstorm solutions. But you have to tee it up like this. The reason I keep using my hands like this, if you only have one set of concerns on the table...

And it's Mel's, which plan are you using here?