Dr. Stuart Ablon

But in essence, as long as we sort of have more power over somebody, we never quit trying to do that, motivating people to behave better, which is all fine and well if what is standing in somebody's way, is a lack of motivation.

But in essence, as long as we sort of have more power over somebody, we never quit trying to do that, motivating people to behave better, which is all fine and well if what is standing in somebody's way, is a lack of motivation.

But in essence, as long as we sort of have more power over somebody, we never quit trying to do that, motivating people to behave better, which is all fine and well if what is standing in somebody's way, is a lack of motivation.

And if you're trying to motivate somebody when motivation isn't the issue, not only is it not going to be effective, but it might make matters much worse. And we can talk about what I mean by that. So when you shift your focus and you say, kids do well if they can, people do well if they can, what you're saying is, if that person could do well, they would do well. And if they're not,

And if you're trying to motivate somebody when motivation isn't the issue, not only is it not going to be effective, but it might make matters much worse. And we can talk about what I mean by that. So when you shift your focus and you say, kids do well if they can, people do well if they can, what you're saying is, if that person could do well, they would do well. And if they're not,

And if you're trying to motivate somebody when motivation isn't the issue, not only is it not going to be effective, but it might make matters much worse. And we can talk about what I mean by that. So when you shift your focus and you say, kids do well if they can, people do well if they can, what you're saying is, if that person could do well, they would do well. And if they're not,

Something else is getting in their way. And I personally don't buy that it's just a lack of motivation. And now here's where the research comes in. Because we have about 50 years of research in the neurosciences that has shown beyond the shadow of a doubt that people who struggle to manage their behavior, they actually don't lack the will to behave well.

Something else is getting in their way. And I personally don't buy that it's just a lack of motivation. And now here's where the research comes in. Because we have about 50 years of research in the neurosciences that has shown beyond the shadow of a doubt that people who struggle to manage their behavior, they actually don't lack the will to behave well.

Something else is getting in their way. And I personally don't buy that it's just a lack of motivation. And now here's where the research comes in. Because we have about 50 years of research in the neurosciences that has shown beyond the shadow of a doubt that people who struggle to manage their behavior, they actually don't lack the will to behave well.

What they lack are the skills to behave well. Skills in areas like problem solving, flexibility, frustration tolerance. And I can give you fancier names for those things, clinical names.

What they lack are the skills to behave well. Skills in areas like problem solving, flexibility, frustration tolerance. And I can give you fancier names for those things, clinical names.

What they lack are the skills to behave well. Skills in areas like problem solving, flexibility, frustration tolerance. And I can give you fancier names for those things, clinical names.

You got it.

You got it.

You got it.

And it sets you up to sort of collaborate, to help, to be a helper. Because when you sort of define this as a lack of motivation, then what it sets you up to do is to try to sort of use power or control to try to motivate somebody.

And it sets you up to sort of collaborate, to help, to be a helper. Because when you sort of define this as a lack of motivation, then what it sets you up to do is to try to sort of use power or control to try to motivate somebody.

And it sets you up to sort of collaborate, to help, to be a helper. Because when you sort of define this as a lack of motivation, then what it sets you up to do is to try to sort of use power or control to try to motivate somebody.

And I want to point out something because you said something really important a moment ago. You know, there's a difference between just being aggravated by somebody's behavior. Yes. And being aggravated, but also really concerned and hopeless and worried. Yes. And as a parent, there is no worse feeling.

And I want to point out something because you said something really important a moment ago. You know, there's a difference between just being aggravated by somebody's behavior. Yes. And being aggravated, but also really concerned and hopeless and worried. Yes. And as a parent, there is no worse feeling.