Dr. Stuart Ablon

And they used a sort of classic sticker chart to try to motivate her to behave better. Right. You know, like get stuff if you behave well. Yeah. And it wasn't working great. And I asked her, you know, when I was meeting with her, I asked her what's happening with it. She's not great at letting people know what's bothering her and things. Yeah. But she would write for me. Yes.

And they used a sort of classic sticker chart to try to motivate her to behave better. Right. You know, like get stuff if you behave well. Yeah. And it wasn't working great. And I asked her, you know, when I was meeting with her, I asked her what's happening with it. She's not great at letting people know what's bothering her and things. Yeah. But she would write for me. Yes.

She could do it in written form. And she could draw things. Yeah. And so I asked her, you know, how the thing was going, the sticker chart. And she wrote this for me. And it says, my brain is idiotic. I make stupid mistakes. I mess everything up. I always make a mess and get hurt and ruin everything. And that's a kid we're trying to motivate to behave better. You got to be kidding me.

She could do it in written form. And she could draw things. Yeah. And so I asked her, you know, how the thing was going, the sticker chart. And she wrote this for me. And it says, my brain is idiotic. I make stupid mistakes. I mess everything up. I always make a mess and get hurt and ruin everything. And that's a kid we're trying to motivate to behave better. You got to be kidding me.

She could do it in written form. And she could draw things. Yeah. And so I asked her, you know, how the thing was going, the sticker chart. And she wrote this for me. And it says, my brain is idiotic. I make stupid mistakes. I mess everything up. I always make a mess and get hurt and ruin everything. And that's a kid we're trying to motivate to behave better. You got to be kidding me.

I mean, how we missed the mark. This kid, more motivated than anybody in the face of the earth to behave well. Why? Because she didn't want to feel this way. So Sherry has all the internal motivation in the world. Last thing we want to do is send her the message. We don't think you're trying hard enough.

I mean, how we missed the mark. This kid, more motivated than anybody in the face of the earth to behave well. Why? Because she didn't want to feel this way. So Sherry has all the internal motivation in the world. Last thing we want to do is send her the message. We don't think you're trying hard enough.

I mean, how we missed the mark. This kid, more motivated than anybody in the face of the earth to behave well. Why? Because she didn't want to feel this way. So Sherry has all the internal motivation in the world. Last thing we want to do is send her the message. We don't think you're trying hard enough.

Well, so what I want to say to them is that it starts, most importantly, from this place of mindset.

Well, so what I want to say to them is that it starts, most importantly, from this place of mindset.

Well, so what I want to say to them is that it starts, most importantly, from this place of mindset.

And that we've got to take ourself out of this position of wanting to make somebody change, impose our will upon them in some way, whether we do that harshly or nicely. And what we need to do is remember this person's doing the best they can to handle what the world is throwing at them with the skills they're able to bring to bear in that moment.

And that we've got to take ourself out of this position of wanting to make somebody change, impose our will upon them in some way, whether we do that harshly or nicely. And what we need to do is remember this person's doing the best they can to handle what the world is throwing at them with the skills they're able to bring to bear in that moment.

And that we've got to take ourself out of this position of wanting to make somebody change, impose our will upon them in some way, whether we do that harshly or nicely. And what we need to do is remember this person's doing the best they can to handle what the world is throwing at them with the skills they're able to bring to bear in that moment.

And so what we wanna do is we wanna try to help figure out what are they struggling with so much? Which skills are they having a hard time accessing? And how can we help them with those things? How can we help problem solve? How can we help them build skills? And I have good news here, too, is the skill building process.

And so what we wanna do is we wanna try to help figure out what are they struggling with so much? Which skills are they having a hard time accessing? And how can we help them with those things? How can we help problem solve? How can we help them build skills? And I have good news here, too, is the skill building process.

And so what we wanna do is we wanna try to help figure out what are they struggling with so much? Which skills are they having a hard time accessing? And how can we help them with those things? How can we help problem solve? How can we help them build skills? And I have good news here, too, is the skill building process.

It's not something where you're going to send your kid or somebody out to have somebody else build their skills. You can help them do that. And it's not by some sneaky process. It's just by collaborating with them on practicing problem solving, but using the real life problems that they're confronting.

It's not something where you're going to send your kid or somebody out to have somebody else build their skills. You can help them do that. And it's not by some sneaky process. It's just by collaborating with them on practicing problem solving, but using the real life problems that they're confronting.

It's not something where you're going to send your kid or somebody out to have somebody else build their skills. You can help them do that. And it's not by some sneaky process. It's just by collaborating with them on practicing problem solving, but using the real life problems that they're confronting.