Elisabeth McKay

from the root of jealousy constant scorekeeping is another one right and constant scorekeeping may be something that is eventually segwaying somebody into that splitting mechanism feeling chronically left out i can't tell you how many adults feel chronically left out but once they start to do break they realize that they actually push people's buttons and cause them to be left out

If they were to engage differently, they would be included, but their behavior is partially what gets them kicked out or maybe perceived as too emotionally volatile to bring into the group.

And these are very common things that happen as a child.

And as you've heard me say dozens of times on this show, what you don't correct in childhood persists and it often augments.

emotional escalation when attention shifts, that needs to be corrected, passive-aggressive comments, secret competitiveness, even competitiveness that's not rooted in actual motivation and commitment, withdrawal after others succeed, and also wanting others to fail.

If you have an inkling that this is happening with one of your children in a pack of siblings, you must correct this.

Some children become overly competitive, others internalize it, and some become quietly resentful.

But ultimately, they all stem from the same root, which is perceived lack.

Jealousy is deeply tied to scarcity psychology.

The nervous system believes that love is limited, that opportunities are limited, attention is limited, success is limited, worth is ranked.

and that safety is competitive.

This creates a subconscious comparison scan.

The brain starts constantly asking, who has more than me?

Who is ahead?

Who's prettier?

Who's wanted more than me?

Who's more successful?

What does their success mean about me?

Well, plot twist, nothing.

And it is this childhood self-centeredness that doesn't get corrected that allows for this loop to persist into adulthood.