Emma Chamberlain

And I know that.

I'm also a control freak.

I think the control freak and the perfectionist go hand in hand.

And I also think that goes hand in hand with the anxiety, right?

It's like, I wanna feel in control of everything in my life because it's soothing for me.

Because anxiety stems from a lack of control, at least for me.

And so controlling everything in my life to a point that's unhealthy, at least in the moment, helps relieve some anxiety because I feel in control of things.

I don't feel like they'll get away from me.

I don't feel like they'll run away from me.

I do find a lot of solace.

It's like, well, I find temporary solace in being a control freak.

It's instant gratification.

In the moment when I'm controlling everything I can, it brings me a sense of peace.

But long-term, it exhausts me.

I also think too that being a perfectionist is, I mean, maybe being a perfectionist and being a control freak are the same thing.

To me, making things as perfect as they can possibly be gives me a sense of control because it makes me feel like nothing can go wrong if I do a perfect job, which then relieves my anxiety.

It's this disgusting web of hell.

Let me be more gentle.

But it is this disgusting web.

Okay, we'll take hell out of this, but it is a disgusting web in my mind.