Erin Holland

a very easy pregnancy I've not been sick at all but that's been a double-edged sword because I don't believe that it's there I feel like I'm being catfished 24 7 I'm not sick I don't have any symptoms other than looking like I might have been to Turkey for a little nip and tuck and a little enhancement like I don't have anything reminding me that it's real

And I'm hoping that obviously the longer it gets, I start feeling movement.

I have a retroverted uterus because of course I do, of the 15% of women who do.

And my placenta is on the front, so I'm not feeling as much.

And I'm so happy that I've not been sick, of course.

I can't even imagine what it must be like to be so unwell and to feel like your body is...

not your own even more so than growing another human.

But I have really struggled with that dissociation because I don't feel anything, because I'm not very big, because it's been such a journey to get here.

I genuinely feel like I'm being catfished by my baby.

I'm like, well, really?

Like you're telling me that it's in there, but I don't feel that connection yet.

And so I do hope that the scars of infertility

allow me to be happy eventually.

If that makes sense.

It's honest to God.

It was, it is a journey that I would never wish upon my worst enemy, but it is just horrific.

It's the sense of failure.

internally, of your body letting you down.

And I'm still very much on the fence of my body still might let me down.

I'm still going to have complications with my ushermans.