Esther Perel

And this is in major part what is warping expectations between people, because now I want my people that I meet to be just as predictable and just as perfect and just as unquestionable and just as certain as the responses that I get in the palm of my hand for every second question I have.

What happens between people is filled with uncertainty.

It's experimentation.

It's the unexpected.

It's the unknown.

It's the surprise.

It's the curiosity.

That's what drives relationships with people in the beginning.

And none of that is being trained when all I need to do is click on something.

And God forbid I would get lost and discover a whole new landscape that I didn't even know existed.

A building I had never noticed.

Serendipity.

Spontaneity.

Happenstance.

Those things produce anxiety rather than awe and surprise at this moment.

Right.

We are by nature unpredictable, flawed, imperfect.

And that, you know, what happens when you look for perfection and predictability in people is that you stop being able to deal with the messiness of human life.

the smells, the bumps, the caretaking, the less shiny aspects of intimacy, i.e.

not the six pack, right?