Esther Perel

My ex did that.

And then this person does it.

And then you have to deal with your own reckoning.

So that's one.

The second one is that sometimes you stay, not because you're weak and because you let the other person roll all over you, but because you're actually silently admitting to yourself that you know that you contributed in some way too.

I mean, the loneliness is one of the most important reasons why people seek connection elsewhere.

I think that the interesting thing is that people seem to be talking about sex with everybody, but the least is with the person they're actually having sex with.

And in the beginning, you don't want to talk about it because you don't want to talk about it.

And then you don't want to talk about it because you don't want to jinx it.

And then you don't want to talk about it because you didn't talk about it before.

And then you only talk about it when there is crisis.

For a lot of people, by the way, connecting it to the previous question, infidelity becomes the moment where people start to talk about a lot of things that they put under the rug for a long time.

And finally, you know, the shit hits the fence.

So now we start to discuss all our grievances, our resentments, our longings, our disappointments, our unfulfilled needs, et cetera, et cetera.

And it's like, had you talked about that?

No.

Maybe it wouldn't have gotten there.

No.

And monogamy and all of those issues.

It's like, you know, and more so in straight couples, actually, you know, especially around monogamy and questions like that and exclusion and boundaries and all of that.