Esther Perel

It's, you know, it's part of the soup.

You can't have butterflies that are just, you know, because the minute you start to be drawn to someone, let's explain why butterflies involve anxiety.

Because the minute you begin to be drawn to someone, the minute you start to experience any inklings of attraction or love, you also experience anxiety.

a fear of rejection, a sense of insecurity, a question about how much it is shared and mutual and reciprocal, and a fear of loss.

They go together.

You can't experience any love without also experiencing the fear of losing the love.

So I think that the idea that you can have it clean without any anxiety is really taking us down the wrong direction.

Yes.

Yes.

If you want to take out all the wrinkles from the start...

you're in trouble.

Wrinkles are part of experience.

Basically, taking out the wrinkles from the start is like taking out the experience.

When do I know that the butterflies are the sign that something is opening up and happening versus a sign that this is something that may be troublesome?

The only way you know is context.

And context means that you look for other signs.

Is it all the time?

Is it in writing?

Can you have a conversation in person?

Can you act?