Esther Perel

She also tells me that her father had affairs, but her mother, she found one little receipt in the pocket and a little bit of lipstick on the collar.

Heather...

She goes digging, and she finds hundreds of messages and photos exchanged and desires expressed.

The vivid details of Nick's two-year affair unfold in front of her in real time.

And it made me think, affairs in the digital age, a death by a thousand cuts.

But then we have another paradox that we're dealing with these days.

Because of this romantic ideal, we are relying on our partner's fidelity with a unique fervor.

But we also have never been more inclined to stray.

And not because we have new desires today, but because we live in an era where we feel that we are entitled to pursue our desires.

Because this is the culture where I deserve to be happy.

And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier.

And if divorce carried all the shame, today, choosing to stay when you can leave is the new shame.

So Heather, she can't talk to her friends because she's afraid that they will judge her for still loving Nick.

And everywhere she turns, she gets the same advice.

Leave him.

Throw the dog on the curb.

And if the situation was reversed, Nick would be in the same situation.

Staying is the new shame.

So if we can divorce, why do we still have affairs?

Now, the typical assumption is that if someone cheats, either there's something wrong in your relationship or wrong with you.