Esther Perel

We have a very large female-based audience.

It's probably them...

sharing it with their husbands, to be honest.

I don't know if they listened to it, but it was definitely shared.

Yeah, exactly.

And so Penny and I, it's been something we've worked really hard on is trying to even out the mental load in our relationship.

Still an ongoing challenge.

And she has this question for you.

Well, for us, it was identifying all the tasks that need to be done in our household, visible and invisible.

So the visible one would be doing the washing, the pile of clothes that sit on the floor, the invisible tasks might be working out when the kids need to go to the dentist and making those appointments.

And so we made a whole list and we divvied out cards, um, which we went out for dinner and did it.

And it was, um, it was incredible because for me at first it was an attack on, I felt like I had no more space or room or time.

I thought I'm doing as much as I can possibly do.

I felt like I was doing a lot.

When we actually looked at the invisible tasks, I realized that this wasn't about making me do more.

It was just about making our relationship much more organized and, and much more fair and much more fair.

We continue to work really hard at this, but Penny's question would suggest that maybe we haven't quite got there yet.

I was a bit shocked to see this question, but that's okay.

I'm starting to feel that real partnership equality, when it comes to the mental load, can only succeed when it's established from the beginning of a relationship.

It's much harder to change years in, especially when kids are involved.