Esther Perel

I am a person who is very solid, says one.

I structure my life.

I'm reliable.

But sometimes I wish I was a little bit more flowy.

I wish I was more spontaneous.

I wish I didn't overthink things.

And I welcome someone in my life that actually is more fluid, is more spontaneous, is less rigid like that, and vice versa.

That's a complementarity that's very common.

I can give you basic sets of human traits.

Yes, find someone who is decent.

Number one, number one, decency.

Find someone who is kind, who enjoys giving, who likes to think about others and isn't just constantly making sure that they have the bigger piece on their plate.

Find someone who, for some of us, it's someone who can...

rejoice who really can wake up in a good mood because that's something that doesn't always happen to me find someone who if it matters to you has a sense of family find someone who has a sense of religion if it matters to you find someone who loves to travel if it matters to you find someone who can tolerate difference but ask yourself also can you tolerate difference

It's like, look inward.

Don't just, you know.

Expect.

Because even that question can become a list, too.

Yeah, I think that so much of our pressures at this point are about focusing on the self and on the optimization of the self and on the self-hacking and on the self-fulfillment and the self-worth and the self-awareness and the self-self-self.

And then even when you ask, what should I look for in a partner?