Esther Perel

That is not what I do with my partner.

And that is okay.

I love the question because it is probably one of the most important changes that took place between your grandmother and you.

You know, when marriage was a one-stop enterprise from which you could not get out, then you had no choice but staying.

Everything changed with divorce, with the democratization of divorce, with no-fault divorce, and with women being in the workforce so that they can actually take care of themselves and not worry about the destitution and the loss of their children.

And now that you can leave, you should go.

If you stay, it becomes a sign of no self-esteem, no self-confidence, weakness, the opposite of what it used to be.

The fact that you actually can forgive or can rebuild or that not every infidelity is actually a sign that your relationship is over and that staying and reconnecting and rebuilding the trust is actually a sign of strength rather than weakness.

That is very cultural.

When I work in Mexico or anywhere south of the border, that is not the case.

You only know it more from the women.

You know, when a woman stays and is quiet about it, you may be sure that the silence of the man is even bigger.

What kind of a man are you that you would stay?

With a woman, nobody says, what kind of a woman are you?

We just say, what kind of a low self-esteem woman are you?

But we don't challenge the whole constitutional element called woman.

We just think about her strength of character.

With him, we say, what kind of a man are you that you let your wife, you couldn't control your wife, do those things, and you still choose to be with her?

You're not a real man.

So it's misleading to think that the pressure is more on women.