Esther Perel
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
The pressure is more overtly on women.
But that pressure is usually even bigger on men.
Right, because it's emasculating.
So I spent 10 years studying infidelity, wrote State of Affairs about it, and began to really... I have a list of 150 questions, really, that it wasn't just one.
But I think the most important set of questions come from this distinction.
Try not to go for the facts.
Where were you?
When did you do it?
How often did you do it?
Did you do it standing?
Did you do it lying?
Did you keep your clothes on?
Did you bring them to the house?
Go for the meaning.
What did it mean for you?
Why do you think you did this?
And what were you thinking about us as this was happening?
And do you want me to forgive you or do you think I actually would be more respected by you if I didn't forgive you?
Do you think you are forgivable?
Would you have accepted something like that from me?