Esther Perel

that oozes with judgment about as if we know when we don't.

We don't know if people are also taking care of elderly or sick children or there are other reasons.

what they want that I think are often not spoken up.

It's one thing to think you are not trustworthy, but it's another thing to doubt your own self-trust, your own self-confidence, and the idea that you could have made a bad decision, that you made a bad choice, that the bargain that you struck with yourself

That you were going to be with somebody who would never do such a thing to you.

That you purposefully didn't stay with the person with whom you had much more passion and much more intensity.

You chose someone who was safe and stable and you thought that person will never cheat on me.

My ex did that.

And then this person does it.

And then you have to deal with your own reckoning.

So that's one.

The second one is that sometimes you stay, not because you're weak and because you let the other person roll all over you, but because you're actually silently admitting to yourself that you know that you contributed in some way too.

I mean, the loneliness is one of the most important reasons why people seek connection elsewhere.

I think that the interesting thing is that people seem to be talking about sex with everybody, but the least is with the person they're actually having sex with.

And in the beginning, you don't want to talk about it because you don't want to talk about it.

And then you don't want to talk about it because you don't want to jinx it.

And then you don't want to talk about it because you didn't talk about it before.

And then you only talk about it when there is crisis.

For a lot of people, by the way, connecting it to the previous question, infidelity becomes the moment where people start to talk about a lot of things that they put under the rug for a long time.

And finally, you know, the shit hits the fence.