Faye Lane

speaker

115 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2026 last heard 28 Jul

Faye Lane’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

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The Moth · Feel Good: The Moth Radio Hour · 28 Jul 2026 podcast

Helen's girdle got me to thinking, so that night I went into my mother's underwear drawer.

And my mother was tiny, she still is, so she didn't have any girdles.

But because she worked on her feet at the beauty shop all day, she wore these really tight support stockings that are like a cross between pantyhose and a rubber band.

And I stole a pair.

And then I went to the sewing basket and got the pinking shears and cut the legs off.

Et voila, I had made myself a girdle.

The first day I wore the girdle to school was a living nightmare because it was about 115 degrees that day and the sweat was trickling down my back and into the girdle and at the bottom where my little fat legs stuck out my thighs were rubbing together and by the end of the day I could just barely walk.

But the second day was much worse, because on the second day, Keith Schafer, who was the cutest boy in our class and as mean as a rattlesnake, lifted my dress on the playground.

He said, oh, my God, y'all, look, she's wearing a girdle!

Ten years old, and my life was over.

But it wasn't, because I was really lucky on the inside, and I had this really rich creative imagination.

So sometimes I would sit on the porch of the beauty shop after school in this glittered-up Burger King crown, pretending like I was a beauty queen sitting up in a convertible in a parade.

And sometimes I would practice my beauty queen acceptance speech.

Thank you so much.

You know, when I was just a little fat child, y'all made fun of me, but I forgive you.

For in the words of Jesus Christ, to who I dedicate this crown, y'all knew not what y'all did.

I just knew, I just knew in my heart that one day my life would change.

So you can imagine my excitement when I heard that Mrs. Gandy's third grade spring production would be Peter Rabbit, the musical.

Because, hello, Flopsy, right?

My fallback position was Mopsy, but I figured at the very least there was a whole garden full of flowers, and I could just see me as a big, languid, droopy iris, or a perky little daisy, or like a sophisticated chrysanthemum, you know?

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