Fiona Cauley

My able-bodied friends all go to the bathroom together.

Dude I saw give her the drink, tries to come in.

She's passed out.

And he's like, hey, that's my friend.

She asked me to take her home.

And I was like, no.

And I just rolled over and put my foot on the door to close it.

Mm-hmm.

And then he shouldered it open, and I kicked him in the wiener.

And I started yelling for help because he's fighting me, and I can't do much.

And finally security comes over, and the guy goes, hey, guys, I'm so sorry.

That's my girlfriend, my friend Bessa, and this is her mentally retarded friend that doesn't remember me.

And I had to convince these security guards that I was not mentally disabled.

And I couldn't do it.

It wasn't his first time.

Yeah, I was like, oh, my God, kind of genius, kind of funny.

Yeah, but they have stuff similar.

And it's cool that my show has a lot of disabled people come, which that's success to me.

I would love one day just like for the club to have to take out every chair because everyone has their own.

I think that'd be sick.