Gabby Bryan

speaker

214 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Apr 2025 last heard Apr 2025

Gabby Bryan’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield · Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan · 30 Apr 2025 podcast

It's Game of Thrones, but they're giving blowjobs in war tents.

I mean, this girl, this fucking girl is like in battle all day and they're losing the battle. She's, you know, she's fighting, sword, weapon, weapon. And then she gives a blowjob at night. I couldn't imagine. I need 10 hours of that.

sleep yeah that's a lot of work wait is it like a future fake war is it like World War two so it's like completely fantasy we're in a different it's like yeah it's Game of Thrones it's okay nice it's Lord of the Rings but I'm like a real I'm a nerd like I loved Twilight and vampire books and all of that so this I know I'm really cute um and this is just like feeding into that yeah like Twilight girl all grown up yeah where you're like yeah I'll let up six foot four fairy with bat wings fuck

me. You can't get pregnant. You can't get pregnant reading. And Lord knows I've tried. And also, I'm so sick of the men in New York City where I'm like, give me an Illyrian warrior because I'm done. I just dated a Wall Street trader and I'm going to be more fucking bored.

It's getting scary. But also I feel like I'm ruining it now by reading Smut because now my standards are so high where I'm like, you have to be like the king of like a fairy country.

You have to be like a skilled warrior to even like ask me out on a date. And now I meet like a little twink in Union Square and he's like, do you want to go get a cocktail? I'm like, no. Why don't you punch me in the face, grab me by the back of the neck, my neck, and chain me up in your basement and then I'll go out with you. Like, where's the violence?

I am single, but I'm a comedian, as you know. And I'm also on tour like crazy. So I'm not really here that much. And then when I'm back, I sort of forget that I'm a human girl. And then I go back into shows. So I actually have completely forgotten to date in a while. And now I'm coming back on the scene like, girl, we have fresh boobs. New titties.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, can I match with this person? Yeah, where you're like, oh, my God, Eric Andre. Eric Andre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The amount of times I'll like Eric Andre and he is not liking me back. Eric, if you're out there.

Bring Algo. He hasn't seen you yet. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah, but then I'll, like, go on dates with people on Raya. Really? I'm not going to waste my time.

Who cares?

Yeah. I'm 5'10". I'm 5'10", too. Yeah. This is not about, like, manners with us. We are just tall women.

And I want to wear a fun shoe. Yeah.

She likes a fun shoe. So I say in my bio, I say I'm 5'10". Yeah. Know that before investing in my company. That's my bio. And then I ask them straight up. I say, how tall are you?

Dating dating is six foot, 5'11". Really? Yeah, but he was English, so it sort of like made up for it.

I'm such a picky bitch. Yeah. Where I'll also like... Like I'm so used to being around broke idiots that it's like my comfort zone almost. Where I'm like, I'll pay for dinner. Be tall.

Yeah, and I'm from the Jersey Shore. Like, you know, I love a skateboarder. I love a gold tooth. I, yes, I love, one time I dated a man who had no front teeth.

But gold teeth right next to it. Okay, hot. Yeah, I like a really fucked up looking individual. You do great in LA. No, they're losers.

Yeah, and it's so annoying. It's like, you're gonna be a part of it. Yeah. Don't... Be funny. Don't fight. Don't fight it. Yeah, don't... Don't be annoying then. Yeah. But no, I don't even really talk about dating that much in my act now. I used to all the time and it was ruining relationships. So I've actually decided to tone that back a little bit for my own health and wellness. Yeah. Yeah.

Now I just talk about Botox and, you know, shitting my pants and stuff like that. Yeah. So, yeah, but it takes a very strong man. But also, I'm crazy on stage and, like, really high energy and wild. And then in real life, I'm actually much quieter and shyer than I am. Shyer, is that a word? It doesn't matter. It's okay. Yeah.

So I think it takes a lot for men to – there's a whiplash element where they go, who the fuck is that?

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