Gabriel Mizrahi

So I hear that, but I also think that might be letting him off the hook a little bit because he's not just lying about this to spare her.

He's doing it to spare himself.

He doesn't want to deal with it.

Definitely.

Yeah.

There's that.

He doesn't want to deal with her understandable anger, her disappointment, her anxiety, the stress of conflict in general.

So his addiction, even if it's not the most severe, is upsetting to her.

Does it have to be as upsetting as it is to her?

Maybe not.

But is it always going to be somewhat upsetting to see your partner cope with a not insignificant amount of alcohol and a secret tobacco addiction that could give you cancer and not go to the gym or not go to therapy instead?

I'm sure.

And so, yeah, he's lying to her and that's not cool.

So this is complicated.

Yeah, fair.

Totally fair.

Yeah, that's a fair point.

And honestly, if I put myself in his shoes, I think he definitely needs to take a hard look at his habits.

But I can also imagine how the intensity of a partner's reaction might make this very risky territory for him.

But then to go back to the point about where one person ends and the other person begins, he might also need to learn how to bear the perhaps appropriate intensity of her feelings better and not retreat and hide and then create more secrets because that then becomes his stuff again.