The Jordan Harbinger Show
1335: Protecting Your Kids from the Evil They Hid | Feedback Friday
29 May 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer, everyone's favorite shavasana, getting his chill in Brazil, Gabriel Mizrahi. Daddy chill.
On the Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. And our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker,
During the week, we have long-form conversations with a variety of amazing folks, hostage negotiators, drug traffickers, astronauts, neuroscientists. On Fridays, though, we share stories, take listener letters, offer advice, and run naked through the sprinklers of your greatest victories and most confounding defeats. Speaking of which, I hear we have a little update on a recent letter, Gabe?
Yeah, I just wanted to give one of our listeners, Louise, a shout out. Louise was the listener who wrote in a few weeks ago asking about how to get meaningful feedback from hiring managers after she lost out on a few job offers.
Ah, yeah, this was the listener who almost got that job she really wanted, but like a former cop got it instead for some reason.
That's right. We gave her some thoughts on how to do that, but I guess she didn't really need them because, well, she wrote us. Exciting news. I was offered the role of company manager for a major international circuses show this week. So the family and I will be moving to Mexico in a couple of months. Wow. Random.
The great thing about this is that I actually interviewed for this role 18 months ago and was their backup candidate. The process then was a series of rigorous interviews, whereas this time I just had a couple of very casual video calls and they made the offer.
I love when stuff like that happens. What would happen to the primary candidate?
I suppose it goes to show that being the backup sometimes pays off in the end. And this is actually much better timing for us as our family is complete now, which it wasn't the first time around. I'm really happy that the interview process I initially emailed you about has allowed me to expand my network at home, which I will continue to nurture whilst we're away.
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Chapter 2: How can I keep my kids safe from potential dangers in their father's spiritual community?
It's impossible, really. You just don't know what's coming, but then you connect all the dots backward and it usually all somehow makes sense. Also, I love that she views this frustrating interview process as an opportunity to expand her network at home and that she's going to keep investing in it while she's abroad. That's some six-minute networking stuff right there.
Sixminutenetworking.com, free zero shenanigans course on, I guess you could call it increasing your service area for lucky breaks like this. I'm honestly not surprised that a person who has this mindset ended up getting offered a job that she didn't even get before. That's exactly the kind of stuff that happens when you put people in relationships first. So well done, Louise.
We're cheering you on, and we hope you have a blast running away to the circus in Mexico. And again, don't worry, the guy who actually got the job, we feed him twice a week, and he's got Netflix. Oh, and speaking of the circus... For some reason, a bunch of you are getting Ashley Madison ads, because I get all these comments like, self-help podcast with Ashley Madison ads.
I'm not voicing these, okay, for people who are not getting these. They're just automated. We block them over and over and over from this ad service, but they just keep popping up, and people keep complaining, and I don't really know what to do about it. So if you're getting Ashley Madison ads, I am sorry about that. Usually, I'm able to block things like
vaping categories, gambling, porn, crypto stuff. This one, and I'm not accusing anybody of anything, the way you get around these things is you lie about the category of ad, and whoever's managing their ad campaign for them is maybe doing that inadvertently or possibly deliberately. So if you're getting a bunch of annoying ads and your kids are in the car, I do feel bad about that.
But unfortunately, I'm at my wit's end with this.
It would be so funny if we were allowing those ads on our show just to create more tea for people to write into Feedback Friday about.
That's right. I'm slowly trying to sabotage all of your lives so that the inbox gets really spicy.
Feedback Friday gets better the more people gamble, cheat, watch porn behind their spouse's backs, etc.
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Chapter 3: What should I do if I'm overwhelmed by my new leadership role at work?
This is an unofficial dual role expectation and it is unsustainable. In fact, I don't want to get too technical here, but my professional opinion as a podcaster is this is some top shelf bullshit.
Sheesh.
Joanna's hunch is that if the work is getting done, the effort and stress behind the scenes is invisible, so it's just not prioritized by leadership to fix anything. Very common in big organizations, in her experience. So what's happening is, you're performing at a high level, you're keeping everything afloat, and the organization just has absolutely no incentive to sort this out.
Now, Joanna's pointed out that you're salaried, so it's not illegal, although it should be somehow, but it does create risks. Risks to you, burnout, mistakes, and risks to your bosses. For example, that other employees will see how they handle this whole backfill situation and be like, well, that's a nightmare. I don't know if I trust these people or have confidence in their management skills.
That creates resentment, lack of buy-in, fear, higher turnover. So this actually matters and should matter to them too. Now, I know you've already reached out to HR and leadership and nothing has changed. Joanna's question was, what was actually said in those conversations? Were there commitments? Were there timelines? Do you have notes of what you discussed?
Because her feeling was you should go back to them again. What you're going through, this is obviously overwhelming and totally unfair. But in Joanna's experience, leading with that, not gonna get you very far in some soulless corporation, right? A much stronger approach in her view is saying something like, this current structure isn't sustainable and creates risk for the business.
I've been covering both roles for four months to support the transition, but continuing at this level isn't going to work long-term. I need alignment on what my role expectations are, what success looks like in my current position, and which responsibilities will transition off my shoulders and when. which is a chef's kiss of a script.
I've been out of corporate life so long that I don't even know how to word things like this anymore. It's just one reason that I love our experts here on the show. Joanna said that this is a very different conversation, right? Because you're not complaining, you're highlighting a business issue. When you're stretched thin like this, a person's performance drops. That's when mistakes happen.
Some of them could be critical. And Joanna didn't think that would be failing. But in a corporate environment, we're taught to believe that it is, unfortunately. So getting out of this, it's going to take a little more effort. Her tactical advice is you need to document what's actually happening.
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Chapter 4: How do I talk to my children about sensitive issues without causing fear?
Good thing she's giving advice because I probably would have said that. A better approach in her view is something along the lines of, given the expanded scope I've been covering, I'd like to discuss how that will be recognized, whether that's compensation, bonus, or a formal adjustment to my role. Gabriel, she is like a translator, a Google Translate for corporate.
Hearing you say it is like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.
Yes.
Yes, exactly. That's how it feels to me, too. I'm just like, oh, my God, I'm like a handstand walk here. I could never do this. I'd be like, hey, I've done a bunch of free work. You're going to pay me for that, right? I'm sorry. What I meant to say was given the expanded scope that I've been covering, I'd like to discuss how that will be recognized.
Oh, it's not going to be recognized. I quit.
In that case, I need to deprioritize your ass. All right. Give me my mug. I'm out of here. Okay, so framing it in that way opens the door without putting your leaders on the defensive, because then they'll probably go, well, we're not about to pay our two salaries. I guess we actually have to hire somebody else to do this stuff. So annoying. But that's just how this is.
So again, I'm really sorry this is happening. This is, oh, it's infuriating. I'm sure it's frustrating and exhausting. I'm angry about it. I can only imagine how you feel. But in a messed up way, it's a huge endorsement of you, and it's a testament to how valuable you are to this place.
I know you're worried about not coming across as a team player, I totally get that, but this is not ultimately about whether you are a team player. You've already proven that you are by eating all this nonsense work for months. The real question, in Joanna's view, is whether your organization is holding up its end of the deal.
If they're not, she said that the most professional thing you can do is to force clarity with the right language and spirit instead of just continuing to absorb the work. Don't become like your manager where you just suck it all in until they break you. From there, she's confident that you'll know your next step. Big thanks to Joanna Tate for her insight and wisdom here.
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Chapter 5: What are the best strategies for discussing past trauma with kids?
Yeah. The details, by the way, are quite disturbing. We will link to an article in the show notes if anyone wants to read more about it.
Also, there were two independent investigations, one by a law firm and one by a survivor organization called Buddhist Project Sunshine, and they both confirmed that there was a ton of abuse going on at this place, and apparently the power dynamics and accountability in this organization were ripe for this kind of thing to happen. Tale as old as time, sadly. So she goes on.
Eventually, the organization responded by hosting a year's worth of events focused on empowering women and challenging sexual misconduct and creating a new code of conduct with the stated goal of appropriately addressing sexual misconduct within Shambhala communities. Oh yeah, this is another thing I read about.
So they apparently instituted a bunch of reforms, all the stuff she just mentioned, new ethical codes, clear reporting channels. They've apparently moved away from a single guru-led structure and also away from apparently a heavy drinking culture, stuff like that.
No binge drinking after meditation and no recruiting mistresses for the Rinpoche at the Buddhist center. The bar is low, man. What a concept.
To be completely fair, and please keep in mind, we're just learning about all of this ourselves. The headline seems to be that some of this change is real and there might be some truly genuine people who stayed and want to make things better. But a lot of people say that the change is uneven or it's not genuine.
They say a lot of the culture is exactly the same, problems are still handled largely internally, so a lot of victims are saying, we feel ignored, we even kind of feel re-traumatized by a lot of this, and a lot of people have just left the group.
Does not surprise me at all, but okay, they're maybe trying.
Unfortunately, rather than receiving any kind of support or kindness when I reported the sexual assault, my assault was concealed, and mention of it was suppressed at every level.
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Chapter 6: How can I navigate the complexities of a manipulative parent relationship?
This is another form of it. We need many traditions. But then a lot of his supporters frame this behavior as a Tibetan concept called crazy wisdom, which basically means a teaching style that's meant to shock students out of their ego and attachment.
Yeah, I love that reframe. It just sounds like a really great way to excuse a bunch of absolutely reckless behavior. Like, hey, look, me driving my car through the lobby of this hotel, I'm just trying to shock you out of ego and attachment.
That's all. My car wasn't totaled. It just was sacrificed on the altar of crazy wisdom.
That's right. I feel like this is what so many weird gurus end up saying. I might be unconventional, but I do it for you. It's all about enlightenment.
So in the end, he renounced his vows in 1969 and then he died young, if you can believe it, in 1987. And he was like 48 years old.
Wow. So he did all of this before age 30. This is he was obviously super talented and tortured.
Well, this is also very interesting because another crazy fact, he was one of those kids who was chosen to be a llama when he was like a year old.
Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. So they were like, you're a reincarnated master and this is your path or whatever. And he wasn't like, I'm going to become a monk. I got it.
Depending on how you look at it, he was training before he could even speak.
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Chapter 7: What steps should I take to regain my independence from my controlling mother?
And if they have more questions, if they seem to be able to talk about this at a more mature level, then you can share more details. Dr. Margolis's feeling was the most important thing is giving them enough information to keep them safe right now. That's the priority. So maybe that means telling your kids, most adults are safe, some aren't.
So if you ever feel scared, if somebody ever asks you to do something you don't want to do, or says something that makes you feel weird, or you see something weird, I want you to listen to that feeling. Find more adults, look for me, ask for help, that kind of thing. Also, a lot of predators, they tell kids stuff like, hey, this is our secret. Don't tell anyone.
Or if you tell anyone, something really bad is going to happen. So I would tell your kids that that is never the case. They should always get away from people like that. And they can always talk to you about anything. I think as a parent, this is how I approach things with Jaden and Junie. I want them to know that if something bad ever does happen, They can always come to me and Jen.
That no matter what happens, we're here to listen to them. We're here to respond to them, advocate for them, whatever they need. And as they get older, you can talk about this in more depth if that's necessary. But for your kids right now at this age, it's all about making sure they're empowered to stay as safe as possible.
I find it very curious that some of these people she spoke with, and we don't know if it was a social worker or a police officer or a therapist or what, although honestly, they would all surprise me. But apparently somebody told her, don't tell your kids anything that might disparage the family or like speak ill of this spiritual community. I find that very odd.
When I heard that part, I was like, okay, sorry that she has a few notes on the organization where she was literally assaulted and that then covered it up. Why is it her job to protect these people? Also, are they advocating for you or are they just covering their ass? Because that's what it sounds like to me.
That was basically Dr. Margolis's response to her take was, that's fine if that's what these people believe, but you don't have to follow that advice. These people don't know your kids. They probably do not have the best interests of your children at heart if this is really how they feel. To state the obvious, this advice is not gospel. It is not prescriptive. These are just data points.
You are their mom. So if you believe that it's best for your children to know what goes on in this organization and you're doing that in an appropriate way, then great. I mean, you know your kids best, right?
Also, if she did end up poisoning the well by telling her kids the full story.
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Chapter 8: How do I balance financial support from my mother with my personal autonomy?
But continuing to attend after the assault and not reporting this to the police, I do wonder if they might both speak to the same underlying issues. But making a report, if what you want is justice and if you feel ready... That would be quite important, practically speaking, obviously, but also in taking back some of your power here.
Could not agree more. And Corbyn's thought there was, and by the way, Corbyn's an attorney in the U.S. He knows very little about Canadian law, but there are enough similarities that he felt comfortable offering some very general thoughts.
His thought was, yes, reporting the assault to the police now at this point, it might not result in the case being brought against the attacker, but he still feels that it would be wise to talk to them because you just never know what an investigation could turn up.
Also, if there are other victims who have come forward in the past or who come forward in the future, multiple reports about the same person or the same center, Corbin said that might actually make the cops take new allegations more seriously. Also, if you take any further steps in the future, it's only going to help if you filed a police report at some point.
And look, hey, post, me too, I think people have come to understand that assault victims are often reluctant to go to the police, but obviously there's nothing they can do about crimes that they don't even know about, okay?
So if and when you do go to the police, Corbin recommends taking any and all evidence that you might have with you, even if it's just texts or emails where you were talking with the leadership about what happened. He said that can be helpful in establishing wrongdoing.
One big thing working in your favor, the fact that this MIPAM guy publicly admitted to wrongdoing and stepped down, Corbyn said that that public admission is key.
So if you do end up going to the police, take that admission with you, his public statement, the organization statement, news articles about all this, although I would hope the police already know about this because they did an investigation, even though it didn't lead to charges, but still show them that this is not, you know, some vengeful ex-member looking to settle a score.
Your story fits into this very publicly acknowledged pattern of abuse.
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