Gabriel Mizrahi

We all have the impulse to protect our parents, you know?

We want them to be mostly good, kind, effective.

It hurts to realize that they might have done some real damage.

And his parents have done some real damage.

All the more so if they are, in fact, narcissists.

Because...

if they are there was probably no room in their house growing up for the possibility that they could be anything less than perfect right yeah there was probably no being angry or disappointed in mom and dad and them being able to bear that and listen to him and make things right if there was something to make right there was just upholding this

unspoken assumption, I assume, that they were perfect and in charge.

So all that to say, I understand her frustration with her husband.

She has the benefit of walking into this family, seeing how they are and going, yo, wake up.

These are narcissists.

but her husband is in a different process and he's on a different timeline.

The stakes are different for him.

So coming to her conclusion, even taking a few steps toward it is probably very complicated and intense for him.

I think it takes great courage on his part to even look at all of this.

And I commend him for that.

So my thought here is just, I would keep encouraging your husband to engage with therapy.

It sounds like he's doing good work.

I would also make room for everything therapy is bringing up for him, not just his conclusions about his parents that align with yours, but also,

his doubts his sadness his conflicts what i imagine is a lot of grief around all of this even if that might feel like taking a step back for you because that's going to be part of his process and be patient which i know is hard and i know that the breakthrough you're hoping for might not come as quickly as you would like and that's tough but supporting your husband while he works through all of this in the end my hope is that that will be the most efficient route because just pushing him to go okay you're right they're narcissists we can't leave the baby with them