Gemma Spake
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
So setting that timeline to talk within 24 hours, to expect replies within 24 hours, to meet within a week or whatever your timeline is, protects you from creating this parasocial fantasy attachment to someone who at this stage
It's just a string of photos.
It's just like all you know about them is their texting style and a few things that they've sent over message.
Another rule that I personally think everyone should abide by is to actually limit your swipes.
I know like Hinge and Tinder already do this, but like to limit it to five a day, five like...
yes, I like them kind of matches or to definitely not swipe on anybody you think, hey, I might have to change that about them if I want to be with them long term.
Or like, oh, I'm not quite sure, but maybe I'll give them a chance.
No chances.
If you would not date them as they are now, do not match them.
Like, do not even consider it for potential.
If someone says on their profile, and this is what I mean, it's not like, oh, I'm not sure because I don't like their shirt like we were talking about before.
I mean, like, if someone says on their profile, like, they're looking for short term and you're looking for long term...
I'm sorry, they're off limits.
If someone smokes and you hate smoking, they are off limits.
No matter how attractive you find them, please know that this is not a challenge.
It is a mismatch and it is a recipe for disappointment.
If you go for someone who you know isn't going to match what you want,
in a partner potential is a trap in these situations it's the biggest trap we fall into because it creates pseudo-investment before you've even met it also keeps you in this low-grade scarcity mindset thinking like oh maybe they have potential maybe this is the best I can do
The whole point of dating is a mutual fit, not to be their life coach, not to mold somebody into who you want them to be.
So to summarize tip number two, create digital and emotional boundaries around how you pursue or are pursued on dating apps and keep it really neat and tidy.