Gemma Spake

This is bringing up past experiences of never feeling wanted or needed by anybody.

And under all that anger is fear.

And under all that fear is a deeper fear of loss, of losing people, of not feeling seen.

Another example is jealousy.

It's a lot easier to feel jealous of your partner's new girlfriend and to obsess over that jealousy than to admit that you actually feel a deep, deep sense of loss and sadness for the fact that the future you imagine with this person, it's not going to happen.

Or your sadness at the years that you feel you've now wasted.

Jealousy, anger, like the thing about our secondary emotions is that they often lead to behaviors yet again that further detach us.

Yes, through avoidance, but also through blame, through minimization, attacking other people, pushing other people away, like through jealousy, through anger, that sort of thing.

So they actually don't do us any favors.

You know what's a really great depiction of this?

I just thought about this, is Louis Theroux's documentary about the manosphere.

I don't know if you've seen it.

Great, by the way.

You should watch it.

But one thing that really jumps out to me about the whole red pill manosphere movement and the men in this documentary is

is that so many of them are just like deeply afraid and they have such deep childhood wounds that they don't want to address.

I watched it a couple months ago, but from memory, I think only one of the men that he interviews dies.

doesn't have a complex relationship with their father or their mother or their families only one of them and there's like 10 people he interviews and the anger and the control they feel towards women and sometimes towards themselves i think just conceals a deeper fear of being lonely

or of a loss of respect or social standing, a fear of not having control over one's own life or being seen as unworthy because they've gotten all this rejection from their parents, like not to psychoanalyze them, but I really do think that's an explanation.

The inability to correctly identify and accept these feelings of anxiety and fear is why this movement has gained so much notoriety and so much following amongst people who are similarly confused.