Gemma Spake

And I know like that probably doesn't sound honest given the story we just heard.

But when we look at the pros just for a second, you know, you basically get two best friends.

It works really nicely on a practical level.

Like if one friend is burnt out or if one friend is busy or going through it, there's double the support, but also double the options, double like the people to hang out with.

Arguably, it's more fun.

There's more personality strengths, perspectives, more things to kind of contribute to your worldview.

The in jokes are also like arguably a lot better as well because there's more shared.

And something I don't hear people talk about a lot is there's something uniquely affirming about watching your two best friends love each other the way that you love them.

You know, it's one thing to know that you think somebody else is wonderful.

And it's another thing to see that mirrored back by someone else you also deeply love.

care about.

So they do have the potential to be these amazing ecosystems of friendship, but I think they are sabotaged by a few basic things.

I will say most of the psychological research on close friendships or close relationships that you will come across is about dyads, so pairs of people, best friends, romantic partners, you and one other.

The sociologist George Simmel in the early 1900s, he was actually one of the first to say, like, hang on, what about a triad?

What about a group of three?

That isn't the same dynamic as a dyad plus an extra person thrown in there.

The relationship behaves very differently because there are three people.

And Simmel focused a lot on how the exact number of people within a relationship and a friendship just completely changes the dynamic of the relationship itself in a really unique way, like a chemical reaction.

In a dyad, you know, this is the most intimate kind of relationship or friendship you can have.

It's also the most fragile.