Gemma Spake

So you have to accept that just like you have to accept jealousy.

My third tip might sound a little bit counterintuitive at first, but I cannot also stress the importance enough of investing in the individual friendships first.

You might hear me say that and be like, wait, hold up, aren't we talking about how friendship trios always collapse because people feel left out?

Yes, sometimes, but if we think back to the concept of similian ties, the trio was built on three strong connections plus the fourth big one.

If these individual connections aren't well maintained, if you and the other person separately don't know each other or aren't really hanging out with each other well enough, the trio is going to start to weaken simply because the ties that make it up are weak as well.

obviously don't take a private bloody trip to New York and not tell the other person because that's insane but like go and grab coffee just with one friend sometimes or go for long walks just with the other friend it also stops you from becoming dependent on one person to carry the dynamic if you're close to both people in the group then this is good practice it's not weird it shouldn't be uncomfortable when one of you isn't available

Or when one of you just wants to do something with the other person.

What it does mean though is that you've also, you've got to be okay with your friends doing stuff without you from time to time.

Because back to that big T word, like you trust that you also have spaces where you are central to and each relationship is equally as strong as the next one.

And really, it's a trust exercise.

We're coming back to this again and again.

At the end of the day, you have to know in your deepest of hearts that these people love you.

They're not going to leave you out.

Your friendship can survive change.

Now, to wrap up this episode, let's return to the dilemma at the beginning.

And what happens if none of this is working, your friendship is just falling apart.

It is in like a tailspin, like it is going down.

What do we do then?

What do we do when we're unsure if we want to continue the friendship trio or the friendship singular?

my advice is for this person again but also for all situations like this in general when you find yourself in a dynamic like this where something has happened a situation has occurred please talk about it as quickly as possible do not ignore that advice