Hannah Murray

And so I felt like I should be able to feel like that all the time.

That feeling is like what I want all the time.

And...

Again, that's not sustainable or realistic, but I was always chasing after that kind of

that kind of magic, I suppose.

And then I remember a therapist saying to me, when I was really depressed, she was like, well, what happened before you got really depressed?

And I was like, well, I felt incredible.

Everything was amazing.

I was on top of the world.

And she said, it's like you float up into the sky when you're that happy.

And so when you get knocked back down, you fall even further.

And there was a very, yeah, I'd say very kind of ungrounded, unrooted nature to how I moved through the world, I suppose.

The best.

I mean, I thought it was in a life that had been filled with a lot of really great experiences.

I would have I left that thinking this is the best thing I've ever experienced and this is the best day of my life.

And and I just wanted more and more of that feeling, which was a very literal kind of.

magical, invisible force moving my body.

Like a thing that I still can't quite comprehend how that could have felt so real.

And I remember thinking as I was experiencing it, like, this is so amazing.

Why have I ever taken drugs?