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Harland Williams

๐Ÿ‘ค Speaker
743 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah. And your guy's got nothing. Wow. And my guy probably gets you from town to town flying faster because of the work he did on jet engines in World War II. Just saying, Papa, don't preach. I'm keeping the baby face. Because your face, you look like a Madonna video from the 80s when I look at you.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah. And your guy's got nothing. Wow. And my guy probably gets you from town to town flying faster because of the work he did on jet engines in World War II. Just saying, Papa, don't preach. I'm keeping the baby face. Because your face, you look like a Madonna video from the 80s when I look at you.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, like cute like that. Seriously? And also like I want to shut it off with the remote, your face. But it's cute until I... Why would you shut it off if it's cute? Just because sometimes it's too cute, like a supernova.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, like cute like that. Seriously? And also like I want to shut it off with the remote, your face. But it's cute until I... Why would you shut it off if it's cute? Just because sometimes it's too cute, like a supernova.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, like cute like that. Seriously? And also like I want to shut it off with the remote, your face. But it's cute until I... Why would you shut it off if it's cute? Just because sometimes it's too cute, like a supernova.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

We all love the sun, but when you get a supernova, when a sun or a star explodes in space, it creates a supernova, which is the hottest light almost next to magnesium burning, and then suddenly... Cute becomes dangerous. So you were on the edge of being too cute where my rods and cones were starting to incinerate. I want to write this down.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

We all love the sun, but when you get a supernova, when a sun or a star explodes in space, it creates a supernova, which is the hottest light almost next to magnesium burning, and then suddenly... Cute becomes dangerous. So you were on the edge of being too cute where my rods and cones were starting to incinerate. I want to write this down.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

We all love the sun, but when you get a supernova, when a sun or a star explodes in space, it creates a supernova, which is the hottest light almost next to magnesium burning, and then suddenly... Cute becomes dangerous. So you were on the edge of being too cute where my rods and cones were starting to incinerate. I want to write this down.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

And daddy don't need no health issues for coming on two koalas in a bush or whatever the fuck this thing's called.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

And daddy don't need no health issues for coming on two koalas in a bush or whatever the fuck this thing's called.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

And daddy don't need no health issues for coming on two koalas in a bush or whatever the fuck this thing's called.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, is that right? I would get a tramp stamp of that, by the way, right over your giant hairy monster cave.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, is that right? I would get a tramp stamp of that, by the way, right over your giant hairy monster cave.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah, is that right? I would get a tramp stamp of that, by the way, right over your giant hairy monster cave.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah. Yeah. Dated her. You dated Madonna? Yeah. When? Right after she left Sean Penn. She was like down. She was out. Sean was physically abusing her. Shit. And the night I cradled her in my arms, like sobbing, I had to dab lemon water and even onion water, some warm onion water on her face, like just crying like a leprechaun that stepped in some Shrek shit.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah. Yeah. Dated her. You dated Madonna? Yeah. When? Right after she left Sean Penn. She was like down. She was out. Sean was physically abusing her. Shit. And the night I cradled her in my arms, like sobbing, I had to dab lemon water and even onion water, some warm onion water on her face, like just crying like a leprechaun that stepped in some Shrek shit.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Yeah. Yeah. Dated her. You dated Madonna? Yeah. When? Right after she left Sean Penn. She was like down. She was out. Sean was physically abusing her. Shit. And the night I cradled her in my arms, like sobbing, I had to dab lemon water and even onion water, some warm onion water on her face, like just crying like a leprechaun that stepped in some Shrek shit.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Is onion water good for like... It's good for sad people because onions cause you to cry. And so it sort of reverses the tear glands. So you dated her like 87, 88, something like that? 89, 99 in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003. You've had a lot of different... 2004. I mean, we were together a while. She was a beat up. She was abused.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Is onion water good for like... It's good for sad people because onions cause you to cry. And so it sort of reverses the tear glands. So you dated her like 87, 88, something like that? 89, 99 in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003. You've had a lot of different... 2004. I mean, we were together a while. She was a beat up. She was abused.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Is onion water good for like... It's good for sad people because onions cause you to cry. And so it sort of reverses the tear glands. So you dated her like 87, 88, something like that? 89, 99 in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003. You've had a lot of different... 2004. I mean, we were together a while. She was a beat up. She was abused.