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Harland Williams

👤 Person
729 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

And it almost tenderized her that hard. Yeah. that Madonna exterior, like a virgin, but I got her to a place where it looked like she'd been rolled like 400 times behind a Dairy Queen by truck drivers. Like nowhere near like the virgin thing. And I was able to break that down for her and give that to her. I almost lost a lot of years off of my life because I... You were so dedicated to her.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

She was so wounded, and I'm a giver and a healer, and I helped her heal. If you could feel her crying in your arms in the middle of the night, like the smell of burnt cinnamon, and just her heart beating against your chest, and

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

She was so wounded, and I'm a giver and a healer, and I helped her heal. If you could feel her crying in your arms in the middle of the night, like the smell of burnt cinnamon, and just her heart beating against your chest, and

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

She was so wounded, and I'm a giver and a healer, and I helped her heal. If you could feel her crying in your arms in the middle of the night, like the smell of burnt cinnamon, and just her heart beating against your chest, and

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

You'd just squeeze her a little and she'd do like, she loved those apple turnovers from McDonald's and you'd just give her a little squeeze and she'd do little apple turnover farts. Just like, like little, almost like angel whispers into the night. And you'd squeeze her and she'd do little crispy apple turnover farts. So adorable, man. Yeah. What a memory.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

You'd just squeeze her a little and she'd do like, she loved those apple turnovers from McDonald's and you'd just give her a little squeeze and she'd do little apple turnover farts. Just like, like little, almost like angel whispers into the night. And you'd squeeze her and she'd do little crispy apple turnover farts. So adorable, man. Yeah. What a memory.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

You'd just squeeze her a little and she'd do like, she loved those apple turnovers from McDonald's and you'd just give her a little squeeze and she'd do little apple turnover farts. Just like, like little, almost like angel whispers into the night. And you'd squeeze her and she'd do little crispy apple turnover farts. So adorable, man. Yeah. What a memory.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Oh, come on, guy. Yeah?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Oh, come on, guy. Yeah?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Oh, come on, guy. Yeah?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

what do you mean there's fart videos what are you talking about you don't watch i guess if i can see a video of your arse there's probably a fart video come on let's watch some fart videos ah dude you watch them i'm gonna put my hand come on bro i can hear them look we get sound here that's not real those aren't real what do you mean

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

what do you mean there's fart videos what are you talking about you don't watch i guess if i can see a video of your arse there's probably a fart video come on let's watch some fart videos ah dude you watch them i'm gonna put my hand come on bro i can hear them look we get sound here that's not real those aren't real what do you mean

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

what do you mean there's fart videos what are you talking about you don't watch i guess if i can see a video of your arse there's probably a fart video come on let's watch some fart videos ah dude you watch them i'm gonna put my hand come on bro i can hear them look we get sound here that's not real those aren't real what do you mean

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I mean, you let that much air out, you're going to crinkle up and blow away like a Snickers wrapper on a windy day. Those aren't real. You don't think so? No. They're too wet. Sounds like a penguin just walked out of a car wash and shit its pants. Are you into that, though? Into what? That? Chicks that fart? No. Oh, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to... Are you? No, I just... I don't know.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I mean, you let that much air out, you're going to crinkle up and blow away like a Snickers wrapper on a windy day. Those aren't real. You don't think so? No. They're too wet. Sounds like a penguin just walked out of a car wash and shit its pants. Are you into that, though? Into what? That? Chicks that fart? No. Oh, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to... Are you? No, I just... I don't know.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I mean, you let that much air out, you're going to crinkle up and blow away like a Snickers wrapper on a windy day. Those aren't real. You don't think so? No. They're too wet. Sounds like a penguin just walked out of a car wash and shit its pants. Are you into that, though? Into what? That? Chicks that fart? No. Oh, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to... Are you? No, I just... I don't know.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I think you might be. I think you are. Why aren't you saying no? No. What?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I think you might be. I think you are. Why aren't you saying no? No. What?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

I think you might be. I think you are. Why aren't you saying no? No. What?

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

What? Oh, where you said something about somebody? I was looking because they said something about somebody.