Ian Smith

ISIS, the final assault.

Long story short, my front door was kicked down by 40 anti-terrorism police officers.

And let me tell you, it's hard to relax when that happens.

I tried to explain Radio 4 to them, but they were much more of an LBC gang.

I've been in my fair share of stressful situations.

I once had to buy anusol.

You don't need to know why.

And I went into a pharmacy and I asked someone at the counter for Anasol and they walked me over to the shelf where I realised I could have just picked it up myself, used a self-service checkout machine, but instead I looked someone in the eye and I basically said, please help me, I've got a problem with my arse.

Stress is everywhere, and you can't escape it by going to Europe.

I once went on a city break to Paris.

I was in a restaurant with my girlfriend.

I ordered something on the menu written in French, and when I ordered it, the waitress repeated that order to the room, and everyone in the room went, oh.

That is a stressful situation.

That is not a good sign.

Long story short, I'm pretty sure I ate cow's brain.

I can't be 100% sure because the waiter doesn't let you choose the cow in a tank like you do with a lobster.

Partly because of the size of the aquarium and the teaching cows to scuba, it just wouldn't be cost effective.

And I'm not condoning eating cow's brain.

You know, I don't recommend it, it tastes weird, and also now I seem to have taken in some of the thoughts and memories of the cow.

That's a risk with eating brain, I'm afraid.