Isaiah McKimmie

But if it feels like something that's like

This just is not something that I can do.

And I'm always going to feel uncomfortable with this.

And I kind of feel like I'm giving up on myself or parts of myself by trying to change this.

I think then we have to question whether we're going to be compatible long term.

And that's the thing that happens with bids for connection.

When our bids are not met and not met in a way that feels good to us, we stop making those bids and we stop responding to the other person's bids for connection as well.

So that's a cycle that has a really real possibility where there's a mismatch.

I think, firstly, whenever we feel a sense of rejection, it is always important to remind ourselves that we are OK.

This doesn't mean something about who we are as a person.

There might be things that are going on for this other person or they might not...

feel for us in the same way.

But again, it doesn't change who we are or our worth or our value as people.

And then I think really it is the question of through conversation, can we reach understanding around this?

Can I feel like I'm wanted and desired and loved and supported by that person in other ways?

Or is there just an underlying kind of pervasive sense in this relationship that this is not my person, not someone that's there for me, not someone that can meet my needs and give me the kind of support that I need to be okay?

It's always so hard, isn't it?

because everyone's relationship always looks like almost perfect from the outside.

And we just assume everyone else is having great relationships and a really good time, but our relationships will change over time.

And I think we constantly have to check out whether we're getting enough of the needs met, whether the relationship is serving us at that time.