James Cordova

And we just didn't see it before.

But once we saw it, the solution seemed so obvious.

It's so important.

We're all blind to the patterns that are characteristic of our relationship.

You know, one of us is more delighted by spending and the other of us is more delighted by saving.

And we get stuck in what we call a spender-saver pattern, but we can't see it ourselves.

And we just end up fighting about whether or not to get a brand new TV.

And one of us gets called cheap and the other one gets called a spendthrift.

But if we can see the pattern, oh, we're stuck in a spend or savor pattern.

We're stuck in a cactus fern pattern.

Being able to name it actually makes it really hard to continue doing it.

So the it can be the pattern that emerges out of a naturally occurring difference between the two of us.

It's not your fault.

And it's not my fault.

It is this emergent property's fault.

So I alluded to this pattern of the spender and saver earlier.

And in that pattern, one partner realizes that what I want so desperately is I want to feel like I'm not living just to work.

I want to be able to take the money, the resources that I earn to feel abundance in my life.

And the other partner...

The saver partner feels more like the emotional meaning of money is a safety net.