James Cordova

That it is a deep practice of both compassion and wisdom to simply reach for that blame and say, like, you know what, if somebody has to take this, let it be me.

And there can be a way that we can do this as a practice that actually deepens connection with ourselves and deepens connection with each other.

That makes sense, right?

Because we're safe

as parents in that up power position in relation to the child.

So it makes it a little bit easier for us to take on that extra burden.

In our intimate relationships, there isn't a power differential, right?

And so eating the blame can feel like we're putting ourselves in a down power position.

rather than doing something beneficent, doing something that actually is this very generous way of taking care of the situation.

Sure, for sure.

I love the example and Monique does such a nice job of describing what it's like and I particularly love that she starts off by recognizing this really does work, building a bridge and my partner appreciates it and we are able to move on.

But the thing has this little tail that is just gnawing at me.

It's interesting because on the one hand,

The practice of eating the blame, it is a deeply spiritual practice.

It's calling on us to recognize how the ego shows up to protect us from our partner.

And eating the blame is sort of a way of eating the ego.

It gets that thing out of the way so that we can clear that space between ourselves and our partner.

You know, it's really my ego between me and you.

So let me get that out of the way so that I can reach out and apologize and use my agency to reconnect us.

But in some ways, what Monique is pointing out is like, well, I didn't quite finish the meal.