Jane

It's like,

there's no like kind of filter around that.

And then I end up taking it personally because I'm, I'm just, yeah.

So I'm just like imagining that could happen.

It will happen.

Other than that.

Yeah.

Yes.

And I do like intuit that I have a lot of fear around it.

And I think that's why I get into this future trippy place where I'm like, I can kind of see myself in that overwhelm place already.

Like I feel what that feels like in my body without even having lived through it yet.

And I'm

terrified to arrive there because I haven't taken the correct steps to like try to not you know to I don't know have things in place to support my needs or so you don't put things in place you figure out how to have him help you

scary yeah and it just feels like all of it is unknown right and like the like we were talking about just the intensity of sensation and it's like that's I don't know I've I've read birth stories I've heard from people my friends who have given birth and everyone's experience is so vastly different and so I'm just like okay there's actually nothing to map onto here and it sounds incredibly painful and

I'm, yeah, really terrified of, of having to go through it.

And I also know it'll, it'll happen, you know, whether I want it to or not, it's like, it's going to happen inevitably.

Yeah.

I'm curious, like how, cause I'm doing like the external things, right?

Like my new midwife and a hospital and dah, dah, dah, that feel aligned with the choices that I want to make.

Are there other ways of cultivating that sense of safety and control that you're seeing?