Jane

I don't know that I experience it so much as paranoia.

It's not like every time I have a thought that I hate pregnancy that I'm like, is it hurting my baby?

It's not quite like that.

It's more kind of, right now it feels like the accumulation of like, okay, I feel like I've spent six months kind of hating this every day.

And there are really moments where I'm like, okay, baby, like I feel you moving around, but that's kind of bugging me right now.

Like don't do that or whatever.

Yes.

It's like I have a stomach flu and you kicking in there is really making it worse.

Cut it out.

Awful.

Yeah, like and it's it's just awful and it's not their fault, but it's more like.

the thoughts that I have around this is how I take care of myself and my baby and the things that I should do in pregnancy and the expectations I maybe have of myself for fulfilling those things.

And then for a variety of reasons, not, you know, being able to fulfill them, whether it's because I have severe morning sickness or I'm have another illness or whatever it is, like there's been so many moments like that where I just,

Can't be present in my life in the way I want to be.

And I'm pregnant.

And so it's like this whole shift.

And that's where that feeling of like guilt and shame come in because I'm like, well, I probably could be doing it X, Y, Z. And that would be better.

It's not normal.

I was going to say that's like exactly the thing that I come up against a lot that I, I know intellectually this isn't going to last forever, but when I'm in those big waves of emotion of sadness and frustration and shame and guilt and stuff, it just feels like, and this will never end.

And I really believe it.