Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
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Good, how are you?
Good.
Awesome. My name's Brooke and I'm 27.
How can I help, Brooke?
Yeah, so my situationship lied to me about being 10 years older than me and I still went back to him. Yeah, so just looking for some advice on how to not go back to old situations.
Have you done this more than with him?
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Chapter 2: What advice does Brooke seek about her situationship?
10 years older is not that crazy. And I mean, certainly you might have the prerogative and it wouldn't be crazy for you to be like, I don't know, like a little too old for me. But a lot of women in your shoes would happily date a guy who is a great connection if they're, you know, who happens to be 10 years older.
Exactly. So I explained that to him and I said, why did you lie? Because I would have been open to it. And he's like, I'll be completely honest. I'm embarrassed of my age. I tell all my new friends that I meet at the beginning that I'm younger because as I was growing up, I always looked younger. So people would always card me when I said my age and I was just like sick of it.
And I didn't think we were going to get serious.
That doesn't make sense why he's telling people he's younger. I mean, if he was self-conscious about his age, you would almost think he would lie about being older.
Yeah, I don't know. I didn't really understand it either. But he said he did this with his hockey friends and he didn't want it to be this big whole thing.
So then what happened after that?
We, no, we went on our way and this was three years ago again. So over the past three years, we hung out or we got together randomly. Once we went on a drive, we did nothing. We just caught up. And then about last summer, He texted me and he said, I'd love to catch up. For some reason, I did it. We ended up kind of getting into something again.
But I told him, like, I don't know if I can trust you again, all this stuff. We ended up seeing each other for about three months. And then I realized if I was going to do this again, which I didn't want to tell any of my friends I was doing it because this is my pattern. I go back to men. So I kind of kept that away from them. And I was trying to figure it out on my own.
I was like, I'm only going to do this if it seems like he's grown up a bit in terms of like just being ready for something. And it kind of seemed like it did. He was like progressing things. He was giving me stuff.
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Chapter 3: How does Brooke describe her dating struggles?
I was like, I'm, going to be near you. If you want me to come by and drop you off dinner, I can, I show up. He is also a very regimented person. So he has a big routine working out in the morning, night, swimming out of the house every hour of the day, whatever. So I texted him. I was like, I can come, but if you are too busy or, you know, you have too much going on tonight, just let me know.
And he's like, oh, I think it should be fine. Just let me know when you're leaving. So I show up and I gave him the out to not hang out. I show up and this man was like cold. He was just like someone I didn't like know. It was so weird. And something was obviously off. So I texted him. And communication was a big thing the second time around.
So I'm like, I'm only going to do this if we can actually be honest with each other and communicate. Which he's never been, I guess, about his age. He did say he never lied to me about anything else. But of course, how am I going to know that? But yeah, he ended up, I texted him. I was like, Hey, like there was something clearly off the other night. Like what happened?
And he's like, well, I was just so thrown off by my routine. And I said, you could have just told me if you were too busy and I'm totally chill. Like his routine, dude, when I tell you this man morning hour at the gym, lunch, gym, after work, basketball, swimming, going to the gym, basketball till 10 PM. I showed up at 10 PM and he was acting weird. And I'm like,
Okay. Yeah, I doubt it's – I mean, who knows? It doesn't matter.
Yeah.
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Chapter 4: What insights does Nick provide about dating dynamics?
And the thing is, like, it seems like maybe he just wasn't interested, and I thought of that this whole time. But at the same time, he was pursuing me outwardly, constantly telling me how he felt and all this stuff.
I mean, what do you – I mean, I'm sure you've listened to this show.
Yeah.
I'm ready to kind of –
Just give it to me.
I want you to, you know, before I give it to you, so to speak, I want you to give it to yourself. And I want you to honestly think about this is not calculus. This is not a complicated equation. And what I'm going to say is a version of things I've said to other people on this show. And I am just curious what you think.
Yeah, I mean, maybe since I've taken him back, he probably I just feel like he probably wasn't as interested as maybe I thought he was.
I want you to try to answer this question. This has nothing to do with him. You called in and you're saying your question was, why do I have a hard time letting go of my situationship. So the question was, you were asking me a question about why you do what you do, your behavior.
Your question wasn't about why does my situationship do X, Y, or Z. So I want you to think from that perspective and that lens and analyze your behavior and why you are choosing, you are making choices Yes. That you later find frustrating about yourself. And that has nothing to do with him.
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Chapter 5: What challenges does the caller face in her relationship?
And he was fighting on that because he still, again, wanted to move here regardless of me. And we found out after this Thanksgiving little trist, whatever. And before I go home for Christmas that they said he was not allowed to move here. And I feel like that's where everything flipped. All of a sudden, like...
We went a week where it was just kind of spotty talking, and then he just went dark one night on me, didn't talk to me for like four days, then did reach out, apologized. I thought we were good. I thought the door was even open the way he was saying of like, let's just...
see I mean even on that call he was like no matter what we're always going to be best friends and and then saw him over break a little bit we had some hard conversations but about and he was just emphasized like I'm just not I just can't like go into this right now but I want us to stay friends and just see if it kind of comes back and he was like let's watch our show when we get home when you get home because we used to like FaceTime and watch
show. Um, and he was like, you fly home tomorrow. Okay, great. Let's watch tomorrow. I get home, text him nothing. And then like five days later is New Year's Eve.
Chapter 6: How does the caller feel about her husband's friendship with another woman?
I get a text from him on New Year's Eve being like, sorry, work's been so busy, been slammed. Like let's watch our show this weekend, which I know he only texted me cause he was with our friends. And like my best friend probably brought up to him, like, why the hell are you not communicating with her? And then I was like, okay, no worries. Like, yeah, let's do it. And then since then, nothing.
And I've obviously reached out a couple of times, but.
So when, yeah. And so at any point where you're like, yo, are you alive or.
I, so, I mean, my last message to, that was sent for like the watching the show or whatever, I was like, oh, no problem. Like, hope you had fun New Year's Eve. And he's like, I did. How was yours? And then I said, do you want to actually watch tonight? And he was like, I can't.
Chapter 7: What advice is given regarding the importance of communication in marriage?
And I said, no worries. And that was it. And then the next day I needed help with something that he's always helped me with before via FaceTime. And I just asked quickly, like a little easy favor, like, hey, can you, I'll help me with this. I need it for tomorrow. Didn't answer. Tried to FaceTime later that night, didn't answer.
And then a couple of days later, I did send a text just kind of saying like, hey, I'm trying to meet you where you're at. You said you wanted to be friends. I, you know, it's something that was worked really well, but just basically it was like, if you need space, if we need space, that's okay. I just hope like with everything we can respectfully communicate that with each other and nothing.
And so that's the last thing I had sent. Again, I know he was alive because I could see him on Find My Friends. I've seen some stuff on social media, but that has been it. And my two best friends have not seen him either.
Chapter 8: How can couples therapy help in resolving relationship issues?
We're all in a big group message that he's not super active in, but hasn't said one thing since.
So he's kind of disappeared on the group?
He's disappeared as far as I know. And it's hard because we're all a little bit older. They're all out there in the city. How old is he? Um, we're all 29 and they're all like kind of moved out into the suburbs and stuff too. So it's not like everyone was getting together as much anyway, but like, yeah, it's been really nothing that I've heard of.
Um, and the last big update that I'll say just to give all the information is that I ended up sending a handwritten letter to last week more for myself, but just because a lot of this has been me being angry at myself for everything that kind of happened in between. And like, why, why did I have to just question everything and not know and whatnot.
And so a lot of like apologizing for that, but also, you know, saying it's wrong how he's, going about this, but forgiving him for it too. And just really saying like, the only point of this letter is like, I would just really love clarity, but there's no, I'm not expecting us to be anything. I'm not expecting, you know, no pressure. Obviously I haven't gotten an answer.
He doesn't check his mail frequently. I know that. So, but that's where we're at.
It's possible he met somebody.
For sure. I mean, I don't, I don't think he had met somebody at the ghosting time, but at this point, I definitely, I mean, for sure.
Why not?
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