Jennifer Selby Long
speaker
698 appearances
14 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard May 2025
Jennifer Selby Long’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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clashes they just aren't they're just they just naturally get very interested in quickly assessing the situation figuring out how to get to the goal and i would imagine those people aren't even listening to this podcast they're not even interested in it and so there are some people who are just they're built in a way that they just have a natural buffer against it so sometimes someone might look very i don't know cold to you if you're bothered by the power struggles that are underway
because they're not particularly bothered by them, that stuff doesn't really trouble them too much. But they seem to do fine and not be troubled by that. In fact, I think I mentioned in our last conversation, Vince, about a client who came in, first time C-suite executive, walked into, and not the senior of C-suite, the next level down. So he walked in
to this brand new role in a different industry. And he found that he was in the middle of a colossal political battle that he had found with Thunderwood. It only annoyed or troubled him to the extent that it triggered him being a little judgmental. And so all we really worked on was keeping that judge at bay and bringing forward his best self so that he could just step back.
empathize with all of the people involved and navigate to a solution that was a win and very much the win that his organization needed in terms of budget in particular for more headcount. His people were grossly overworked and he was able to do that.
And to this day, in that same organization, probably four out of five clients there will periodically sigh and complain to me, oh, wow, it is a densely political environment, but it doesn't faze him at all. He's just naturally built in a way that's not going to work too much. So I think in my tips that I just gave, to some extent, I've dissected the way those people do think and behave.
Yeah, I think it's a great question because it is very much our current situation for many businesses. And I wish the answer were super simple. It's not quite as simple as I wish it were because it does depend a little bit on your situation. In the hybrid work model, are people going into the office to just work on their own work?
If so, I'm not sure you're going to get huge benefit out of that in terms of lessening politics or political alliances because they're not really interacting that much. Nor do I think you're going to get much of the benefit of obviously of working on very complex problems together if you're not really there to work together.
The other particular challenge I'll play you with is most of the clients that we work with are distributed not throughout one metropolitan area, but across the globe. People who are lonely at work and don't feel connected. It's a big problem. It's a big problem in a lot of places. It causes a lot of additional problems.
And from my point of view, it feeds notions of politics because there are people who feel connected and people who don't feel connected. So I think that this is one we need to keep observing, assessing and experimenting with. across time. It's a super new way to work when you look at how very many years people work together in person.
And it's really only been the last few where the majority do not work together in person.
It's such a great question. And as you were talking about this experience of you leave, you're starting a business, you see your colleagues get promoted. They're still sitting in their six figure incomes. Oh, believe me, that one resonates with me personally. And it's not a straight line.
When I started this business, which is actually my second business, a few years after it started, we hit the dot-com bust. And the business sank, right? And really struggled. And then again, we got hit in 2008 when the economy collapsed in the United States. And it is so easy to fall into the self-sabotage. The reason, though, is really interesting.
the AD, C-H-A-M-I-N-E, Shirzad Shamim. And he writes a great deal about the neuroscience of this because that self-sabotage is something that develops in very early childhood. It is almost entirely wired into our brains by the time we're five years old. Now, why is that in there?
those saboteurs as he calls them are neural networks that very tiny children develop to ensure their survival if a little tiny kid recognized that their parents were not infallible which is actually true It would be terrifying because they cannot care for themselves, right? So these neural networks form as a vital part of early childhood. They're just part of that survival mechanism.
However, in adulthood, we don't need those anymore. But at that point, they're really strong. They've been there for decades, right? Getting stronger and stronger, and they're just lurking in there.
and i want to really convey the important message that when you start to feel yourself self-sabotage that's not you that's the saboteur neural networks in your mind firing up that's all that is and they're sitting in there and they jump out when they get a signal that indicates that there's a threat to survival.
Of course, if you go after a contract in your new business and you work really hard on it, you put all this time into it. When you were an employee, if that contract didn't close, you still got your paycheck. But now all of a sudden, you're looking at, can I pay my rent? Can I make my mortgage? So that, of course, your brain fires that up as risk to survival. And so the saboteurs jump in there.
The universal saboteur is called the judge. Every single one of us has this. And the judge has snuck in there and is getting in your way when you feel a negative feeling and you are judging either yourself or
or someone else or the situation that is a sign that your judge is in there your judge is going to tell you you need me i am good for you but you don't need that judge to be talking and the judge is not good for you so the way that you can recognize that again you feel a negative feeling You're feeling stress, frustration, anxiety.
These are all signs that the judge is in there and your thoughts are in the direction of, oh, I'm such a fool. Why did I do this? Or why, what's wrong with them that they didn't sign my contract, right? Or if only we had such and such process in place, we wouldn't have this problem, would we? Those are all signs that the judge neural network has fired up. and you just need to weaken that judge.
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