Jessi

And you're people-pleasing all these other people in these other relationships.

That was my excuse and my thought process then, right?

Was, you know, for me it was a cry for help.

And it was a cry for attention.

And, you know, I've obviously learned a lot about myself through...

lots and lots of therapy and it's not that that part of you just disappears it's not that part of you just goes away it's just deciding that that's not who you want to be and it's not letting things that trigger you you know expose a side of you that you don't that you don't want to have like there are times where things come up and

You know, you guys will see things in the future where, you know, life's not perfect.

And we've, we've been doing our best to look inward towards one another and to try and work on our relationship because we have a beautiful family and kids that we want to raise and, and do this thing.

I, I, it's, it's, it's, it's been really hard.

He's got one too.

You know, that's a good question.

I don't know if you know much about my past, but I had my first daughter when I was 18 years old.

And in Utah, it's very much a taboo, like sex is something you don't talk about, like

When we'd have maturation, they would basically talk about sperm traveling to the egg, but they didn't tell you where that came from or how that happens or anything.

They'd say, oh, and if your parents want to tell you about what sexual intercourse is, they can.

And I remember thinking, what is this, an alien story?

What did you guys just tell me?

So I essentially lost my virginity and had my daughter at 18 years old and basically had a shotgun wedding.

And very soon,

after we got married we realized like she wanted to do the whole mormon route and that was something that i tried to do and i just could not get myself to that place i just didn't believe in it like i never had that your first wife yes i never had that like um burning in my bosom you know like i never like believed in it i wanted to with like everything in me but