Jessica Baum

And, you know, Ashley and I, we were in the grief process for a really long time together. It's not like this easy process. I mean, 13 year marriage. I mean, Ashley and I spent more time thinking about how wonderful Jason was. And that's where her brain wanted to go for a while.

And that was important for Ashley to get to the other side and integrate the full version of Jason, not the good and the bad, but all of the behaviors and make sense of them all. And I think you had a really appropriate response as a friend. And you're clearly trying to put some of the pieces together. And I'm just trying to help clarify that. how challenging it is to be in Sarah's position.

And that was important for Ashley to get to the other side and integrate the full version of Jason, not the good and the bad, but all of the behaviors and make sense of them all. And I think you had a really appropriate response as a friend. And you're clearly trying to put some of the pieces together. And I'm just trying to help clarify that. how challenging it is to be in Sarah's position.

And that was important for Ashley to get to the other side and integrate the full version of Jason, not the good and the bad, but all of the behaviors and make sense of them all. And I think you had a really appropriate response as a friend. And you're clearly trying to put some of the pieces together. And I'm just trying to help clarify that. how challenging it is to be in Sarah's position.

Not that I'm okay with her choices, but her choices make sense. Really, when you understand attachment, they can start to make sense.

Not that I'm okay with her choices, but her choices make sense. Really, when you understand attachment, they can start to make sense.

Not that I'm okay with her choices, but her choices make sense. Really, when you understand attachment, they can start to make sense.

I keep going back to the theme of like connection is a biological imperative. So her daughter is preserving the connection with her mom as best she can. And you know, It's heartbreaking for us on the outside to see the daughter kind of sacrifice because the natural response to this type of abuse is rage. That is a healthy response.

I keep going back to the theme of like connection is a biological imperative. So her daughter is preserving the connection with her mom as best she can. And you know, It's heartbreaking for us on the outside to see the daughter kind of sacrifice because the natural response to this type of abuse is rage. That is a healthy response.

I keep going back to the theme of like connection is a biological imperative. So her daughter is preserving the connection with her mom as best she can. And you know, It's heartbreaking for us on the outside to see the daughter kind of sacrifice because the natural response to this type of abuse is rage. That is a healthy response.

And if she's really doing some trauma work and working therapeutically, the hope is that the therapist will help her access what it feels like when someone perpetrates your boundaries like that. But again, we don't want to push her there in a therapeutic setting. They might help her see this and make the healthiest choices for her.

And if she's really doing some trauma work and working therapeutically, the hope is that the therapist will help her access what it feels like when someone perpetrates your boundaries like that. But again, we don't want to push her there in a therapeutic setting. They might help her see this and make the healthiest choices for her.

And if she's really doing some trauma work and working therapeutically, the hope is that the therapist will help her access what it feels like when someone perpetrates your boundaries like that. But again, we don't want to push her there in a therapeutic setting. They might help her see this and make the healthiest choices for her.

But it might be too scary for her to set big boundaries with her mom right now. And I think the best thing you can do for her daughter is be a listener, hold space for her, but don't try to fix her or advise her. If she is in therapy, they can help her set the boundaries. You just need to hold the space and work through with you, Elizabeth, what's coming up in you.

But it might be too scary for her to set big boundaries with her mom right now. And I think the best thing you can do for her daughter is be a listener, hold space for her, but don't try to fix her or advise her. If she is in therapy, they can help her set the boundaries. You just need to hold the space and work through with you, Elizabeth, what's coming up in you.

But it might be too scary for her to set big boundaries with her mom right now. And I think the best thing you can do for her daughter is be a listener, hold space for her, but don't try to fix her or advise her. If she is in therapy, they can help her set the boundaries. You just need to hold the space and work through with you, Elizabeth, what's coming up in you.

And you might want to work through that with somebody else. Like, I want to tell this daughter this, and I want to tell her this, and I'm having all this anger. And all of that is about you, and it's totally valid. But it's for you to work through in your own kind of space around all of that, because... That's how you can kind of keep the boundaries a little bit better for you.

And you might want to work through that with somebody else. Like, I want to tell this daughter this, and I want to tell her this, and I'm having all this anger. And all of that is about you, and it's totally valid. But it's for you to work through in your own kind of space around all of that, because... That's how you can kind of keep the boundaries a little bit better for you.

And you might want to work through that with somebody else. Like, I want to tell this daughter this, and I want to tell her this, and I'm having all this anger. And all of that is about you, and it's totally valid. But it's for you to work through in your own kind of space around all of that, because... That's how you can kind of keep the boundaries a little bit better for you.

You can hold space. If she's asking, that's another thing. But with enough therapy, she will get there on her own time, I believe. In her own way, in her own safety, she will say, wait a minute. Let me look at where my rage is or she might access those things, but you can't make her get there faster if she's not ready, I guess is what I'm trying to say.