Jessica Lanyadoo

That's the fucking nature of shame.

And coming back to this thing of like, you feel like you're high maintenance, but I'm telling you, as I look at it psychically, you're very low maintenance to your husband.

Here's the fucking hardest part of all of this is that you're going to have to become higher maintenance to your husband.

Which fucks with your survival mechanism of being low maintenance to prove to yourself that you're not too much.

And this is something that I see a lot of marriages in the first five years of a child's life really struggling around.

Because if your relationship is somehow meaningfully predicated on you not telling him when you're freaking out and you're not asking him to take care of certain kinds of emotions, it's not going to work with a baby.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, maybe you share this reading with him and like pause it at all the moments and like talk to him about it.

He is a nice man.

Like he's a kind guy.

He's down to be more supportive.

You just have never asked him to be more supportive.

He does get really in his head.

And that works for you because it gives you privacy.

He's not tracking you all the time.

You hate being tracked, right?

But that does mean that in your relationship, you've a little bit trained him to not pay too much attention to what you feel in need, which won't work with a baby.

So this reading hopefully will be like, you can use it as like a couples counseling tool, right?

Here's an exercise for you and your husband.