Jessica Smetana

I can't deal with the Steelers right now.

There's too much going on.

There's this sad freaking monkey in Japan.

Oh, my God.

Punch?

What happened?

There's all this shit with the hockey team.

I can't even begin to fathom the Steelers quarterback situation right now.

Punch is the real monkey.

Do you know what kind of monkey punch is, by the way?

I googled how to pronounce this this morning.

Please.

He's a macaque.

Punch is the baby macaque whose mother abandoned him and the zookeepers gave him a stuffed monkey because he needed something to cuddle and to feel a connection with because he was lonely.

And then at some point, I believe over the last week, the mother took him back and then rejected him again.

It's a very sad situation.

I believe that whichever CIA operative planted punch to take all of our minds off of, you know, the impending war and all of the other things going on, it's not working right.

I don't have the bandwidth for punch right now.

Like, I keep seeing the punch videos.

I'm like, I can't do this.