Jillian Turecki

We'll climb that mountain. We'll transcend that ego. We'll transcend our fears because we're doing it in service of something greater than ourselves. And in a relationship, your relationship has to be the thing that's greater than the two of you. That's the encouragement that I want to have people to have to tell the truth because it really sucks when you don't. It's very hurtful.

Well, it depends on what the withholding or the lies are about. Sometimes it's you're withholding a truth of just how you feel. And that's like not as much of a betrayal to the other as it is to oneself.

Well, it depends on what the withholding or the lies are about. Sometimes it's you're withholding a truth of just how you feel. And that's like not as much of a betrayal to the other as it is to oneself.

Which is I'm not I'm not speaking up I'm not telling you how this landed in my body for me and how angry I am at you Because no one will lie to you more than you lie to yourself And so a big part of telling the truth begins with telling the truth to ourselves Because oftentimes we don't want to look at it. It's hard. We suppress it. We don't want to express it But how do you repair from that?

Which is I'm not I'm not speaking up I'm not telling you how this landed in my body for me and how angry I am at you Because no one will lie to you more than you lie to yourself And so a big part of telling the truth begins with telling the truth to ourselves Because oftentimes we don't want to look at it. It's hard. We suppress it. We don't want to express it But how do you repair from that?

Well, again, it depends. Maybe you need a third party understanding, you know, what exactly, what were the boundaries that were crossed to what degree, how much can you find compassion for the person when they were withholding the truth? How much can you see that it actually wasn't personal and that it was just something that they were doing because they were afraid that

Well, again, it depends. Maybe you need a third party understanding, you know, what exactly, what were the boundaries that were crossed to what degree, how much can you find compassion for the person when they were withholding the truth? How much can you see that it actually wasn't personal and that it was just something that they were doing because they were afraid that

You repair with a lot of listening, a lot of communication and possibly with a third party. But yeah, it's not easy. And it depends on the degree of, again, if it's actually a betrayal or it's, this is hard, but we have to learn to not take so many things so personally.

You repair with a lot of listening, a lot of communication and possibly with a third party. But yeah, it's not easy. And it depends on the degree of, again, if it's actually a betrayal or it's, this is hard, but we have to learn to not take so many things so personally.

Because oftentimes, and I'm not talking about infidelity and things that are really detrimental to the sanctity of a relationship. Yeah. But oftentimes people are doing that and they just were too afraid. It's like, well, why didn't you tell me how you feel? You have to tell me how you feel. And yes, you kind of do. And you have every right to feel sort of like a mini betrayal from that.

Because oftentimes, and I'm not talking about infidelity and things that are really detrimental to the sanctity of a relationship. Yeah. But oftentimes people are doing that and they just were too afraid. It's like, well, why didn't you tell me how you feel? You have to tell me how you feel. And yes, you kind of do. And you have every right to feel sort of like a mini betrayal from that.

Like, how can I show up for you? How can I be in this relationship if you don't tell me how you feel? And that's very valid. But if the other person can say, you're right, I was afraid. This is what I was afraid of. And then two people are really starting to tell the truth. And now we're really getting into the deep stuff and getting vulnerable.

Like, how can I show up for you? How can I be in this relationship if you don't tell me how you feel? And that's very valid. But if the other person can say, you're right, I was afraid. This is what I was afraid of. And then two people are really starting to tell the truth. And now we're really getting into the deep stuff and getting vulnerable.

And a number of years.

And a number of years.

But it begins with you because there's something that has to change in you as well. Because if there's something going on in the dynamic and you love this person and it's a good relationship otherwise, you are contributing in some way, whether you know it or not, to them not feeling comfortable to telling the truth.

But it begins with you because there's something that has to change in you as well. Because if there's something going on in the dynamic and you love this person and it's a good relationship otherwise, you are contributing in some way, whether you know it or not, to them not feeling comfortable to telling the truth.

Like people come, they come to a couple's counseling, a couple's therapy, they sit down and inevitably both people are thinking, fix the other person so that I can be okay in this relationship. When really it's when we change ourselves, we actually can influence the relationship and the change in the other. Not always, but a lot of the times we can.

Like people come, they come to a couple's counseling, a couple's therapy, they sit down and inevitably both people are thinking, fix the other person so that I can be okay in this relationship. When really it's when we change ourselves, we actually can influence the relationship and the change in the other. Not always, but a lot of the times we can.

If you have the belief, they just need to change and be fixed and we're going to be okay. Yeah. You are in for a run for your money because that's actually not true. Like maybe they do have to change more than you, but there are things that you need to change in this dynamic as well.