Jillian Turecki

And that person then might get out of it and say, well, I may not ever have sex like that again. And I tell them, no, you probably actually won't. But that's okay because if you are at least attracted to someone and you feel safe with them, you can explore so much more.

You can go into the depth of your vulnerability with this person and then create a sex life that can be very wonderful with that person. And that's what you want to do. For some people, they even say, you know what? I just, I've deprioritized that. You know, they've been through so much crazy in their relationships that they actually have made the decision.

You can go into the depth of your vulnerability with this person and then create a sex life that can be very wonderful with that person. And that's what you want to do. For some people, they even say, you know what? I just, I've deprioritized that. You know, they've been through so much crazy in their relationships that they actually have made the decision.

It's not that it's not important, but they've deprioritized it because they've associated with so much pain. So everyone is on a different journey, but ultimately the 16 year old self, like you just have to just acknowledge that person and be like, no, you're not in charge because what you want is actually not good for you.

It's not that it's not important, but they've deprioritized it because they've associated with so much pain. So everyone is on a different journey, but ultimately the 16 year old self, like you just have to just acknowledge that person and be like, no, you're not in charge because what you want is actually not good for you.

overstep yeah it's a fine balance and i think it's hard for people like you said earlier we also want them to like us and yeah so what does that look like for me what i tell people i think you should be as direct and honest from the very beginning and i think that that's actually very attractive that is different however than sharing your entire childhood pain to a stranger

overstep yeah it's a fine balance and i think it's hard for people like you said earlier we also want them to like us and yeah so what does that look like for me what i tell people i think you should be as direct and honest from the very beginning and i think that that's actually very attractive that is different however than sharing your entire childhood pain to a stranger

So that's not the honesty I'm talking about. Someone has to kind of earn that information. And I don't think it's appropriate to share everything like that with a stranger. I think that has to go a little bit more slowly. There's a progression to getting to know someone.

So that's not the honesty I'm talking about. Someone has to kind of earn that information. And I don't think it's appropriate to share everything like that with a stranger. I think that has to go a little bit more slowly. There's a progression to getting to know someone.

It's like you know someone, then you're getting closer and then you're sharing a little, then you're starting to open up and be vulnerable. You don't have to do that on the first date. But in terms of honesty of what it is that you really want, what it is that you really need, I think right from date one.

It's like you know someone, then you're getting closer and then you're sharing a little, then you're starting to open up and be vulnerable. You don't have to do that on the first date. But in terms of honesty of what it is that you really want, what it is that you really need, I think right from date one.

This becomes more complicated in when you're actually in a relationship. You know, I spent many years not really telling the truth. I've worked with many couples where there's a lot of love, but they weren't telling the truth. Fear of not being enough, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection. This is where rejection really is intense when we already love the person.

This becomes more complicated in when you're actually in a relationship. You know, I spent many years not really telling the truth. I've worked with many couples where there's a lot of love, but they weren't telling the truth. Fear of not being enough, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection. This is where rejection really is intense when we already love the person.

Fear that we might disappoint our partner. Fear that they will never look at us the same way. Fear that they will resent all of that. And these are very real. But withholding the truth is what becomes the sickness in the relationship. And I always say, you don't just have the hard conversations for you or for your partner. You do it in service of love. You do it in service of the relationship.

Fear that we might disappoint our partner. Fear that they will never look at us the same way. Fear that they will resent all of that. And these are very real. But withholding the truth is what becomes the sickness in the relationship. And I always say, you don't just have the hard conversations for you or for your partner. You do it in service of love. You do it in service of the relationship.

When two people in a relationship have the mindset, since we've been using that word, have the mindset of, I'm going to protect our relationship. That's the priority. Sure, you're a priority. I'm a priority. But what we are building together, that's our baby. Like that's the priority.

When two people in a relationship have the mindset, since we've been using that word, have the mindset of, I'm going to protect our relationship. That's the priority. Sure, you're a priority. I'm a priority. But what we are building together, that's our baby. Like that's the priority.

And so if it means having to have really uncomfortable conversations, if it means having to say something instead of going into what's familiar, which is stuffing it down, then becoming resentful and then hating your partner for it. It's like whenever we have a higher purpose, whenever we feel like there's something that we're working towards, right? We will do what it takes.

And so if it means having to have really uncomfortable conversations, if it means having to say something instead of going into what's familiar, which is stuffing it down, then becoming resentful and then hating your partner for it. It's like whenever we have a higher purpose, whenever we feel like there's something that we're working towards, right? We will do what it takes.

We'll climb that mountain. We'll transcend that ego. We'll transcend our fears because we're doing it in service of something greater than ourselves. And in a relationship, your relationship has to be the thing that's greater than the two of you. That's the encouragement that I want to have people to have to tell the truth because it really sucks when you don't. It's very hurtful.