Jillian Turecki
speaker
1,450 appearances
11 recordings
9 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Jillian Turecki’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I'm embarrassed that the author is escaping me, but I will name the title, and it's The Women Who Love Too Much. They get into these relationships with men who are deeply, deeply, deeply traumatized men who are... Essentially... Everything exists on the spectrum, right? So getting into a relationship and thinking, I will be the inspiration for his change. I will fix him.
That man could be just like maybe a little bit messed up. And then there's women who get into relationships and they are just like, I'm going to be a rehabilitation center. But men do that too, you know? Men do that too.
Well, it usually starts with childhood. Maybe their father was an addict. Maybe they saw their mom doing that. Maybe they don't see their worth. And so they figure out a way to be needed in a man's life.
Yes, and so he'll never leave me. We really want to enter relationships wanting to be loved, but some of us get into relationships thinking we don't have enough value to be loved, but if they need me, then I will never be left. And so if she gets in and she's fixing him, then he'll form a dependency on her. And then he will never leave.
This is, and this sounds crazy, but in many ways this plays out, it's very subtle. So I'm very committed to helping people. You don't, you don't want a project. You want a partner and you have to get in touch with your, because there's lots of men who want to rescue the broken bird. You know, there are a lot of men who want to be the hero, right? Because he doesn't see his worth.
But he's like, if I can rescue this person, then she or he will form a dependency on me.
There's so many challenges with that.
You might be the bigger problem.
Yes.
Very, very hard. We have so many expectations. So what you're describing is what so many people do, which is, I will change this person. You cannot change a person. You have some options. You either completely accept them as they are, And realize and maybe realize that you yourself are not as evolved as you think you are.
And you accept that maybe they are growing, but they're growing at a different pace. Yeah. And they're not growing the way you want them to grow, right?
Yes.
Or just don't be with them. It really, it's very important if you can't... It's very important that we grow, but at the same time, we're also always changing. So there's also another conundrum that people face in long-term relationships is, oh my God, you're different. Oh my God, you changed. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That can make someone feel really out of control and feel like, oh my God, are you not going to love me anymore? Are you the same person? You mentioned the word attachment. As human beings, we get attached and we get attached to outcomes and we have expectations.
And the road to less suffering is to have very little expectations and very little attachment to the outcome and to really live and let live. But that's very difficult for us humans, you know? And so going back to, you know, maybe I'm half the problem. No, if you're in a relationship and you are so fixated on your partner, being someone who they are not. You are the problem, not them.
Because they can just get into a relationship with someone who's not fixated on changing them and they will have a better relationship. Right, it's true.
And let's let's add something to that, which is and let's even remove the prison part.
Yeah. Let's just say because of his quote unquote brokenness, he could never, ever love her the way that she needs to be loved. He cannot meet any of her needs. He's selfish. He's self-involved. He's unable to be there for her, to support her, to make her feel safe, to make her feel loved. Pretty low.
And I think she does not see that she's actually worth being given to. She doesn't understand that love is a two-way street. she is so in the hamster wheel of trying to be enough for the other person. And she's trying to be enough for someone who's actually not even on her level in many ways. So it's pretty, it's pretty low. There's a spectrum. It depends like, you know, is he, how bad is he?
You know what, but, but it's, it's, it's pretty low. I mean, because here's the thing she doesn't, it's, it's also a self-respect thing. It's also seeing it's a self-acceptance thing. And when someone is with someone who is so broken that they are just not treating them well, not meeting their needs, what's happening in the low self-worth is that she is feeling a disconnect from herself. 100%.
Showing 301–320 of 1,450 · page 16 of 73
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