Jillian Turecki
speaker
1,450 appearances
11 recordings
9 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Jillian Turecki’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Exactly. Because they have, again, this unconscious blueprint of someone is supposed to be perfect and bring and make up for the imperfection that lives inside of me.
And the thing is, you think, oh, that's a toxic person. No, this lives inside of us, all of us at some point in our lives. because we've been conditioned by this idea of romanticism and the perfect person, and I'm gonna meet this person who's going to make up for, you know, They're going to love me exactly for who I am. And they're going to come in and they're going to heal me.
Again, most people know intellectually that that's not how it goes. But we do. We think this. We romanticize as the one. We all long for someone who's going to love us almost in the way that a parent has loved us. And then our flaws are going to be irrelevant. And they're going to be flawless. So getting back to why do people stay in relationships where they're mistreated? Well, I mean, self-worth.
not feeling like they deserve more, naivete, not understanding that that's actually not how you're supposed to be treated. You're supposed to be treated with kindness and respect always. Sure, you might have arguments and it gets a little bit heated, but there should always be a baseline of kindness and respect and politeness, honestly. Yeah.
So yeah, but people stay because also they saw maybe their parents in something unhealthy. They don't think that they, they don't see their worth enough to be treated well. And they keep seeing in the person, the potential of who they were. You know, this person was so amazing and now they're not. And so they're so attached to that.
And then they think, you know, real low self-esteem will have a person asking themselves, What did I do to bring this out in this person?
Blaming themselves.
Yeah.
Oh, many, many years ago, many years ago, over 20 years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who was very abusive. I've never been in a relationship that has been abusive since. I mean, definitely I've been in relationships, I've been in beautiful relationships, and I've been in relationships where maybe, where definitely I was not treated at the level that I want to be treated.
But that we have to differentiate that from straight up abuse. Not every time you're not, you know, maybe you want to be treated better. That's not the same thing as abuse. So my lowest self-worth was when I was in that relationship.
One year.
Yeah. The first three months or the first couple months were great. And I was very naive. It was just and I it was all attraction and lust. There was nothing. I wasn't, my radar was not up for character. My radar, like even, I remember asking my friend who knew him, what do you think? She was like, I think that he might be really complicated with women. And I was like, challenge accepted.
I'm going to solve this. I'm going to be different. It's going to be different with me. Like, yeah. Why do women,
I think it's more, I'm going to be the one who inspires him to change. And so therefore- You can't change anyone now. No, of course not.
Because it's depicted in films. I mean, how many, how many movies are there out there where there's like the bad boy and the, and he changes, he softens.
He becomes a better man.
I believe most of us is... There's a lot of conditioning that is happening. There's also childhood. You know, maybe for that woman, that father was very emotionally unavailable. And so she's able to then be with someone who's never going to be able to meet her needs. It also depends on who the broken man is. If the broken man is very masculine seeming, he's not truly. So there's a misconception.
A false masculinity. So maybe he's big and muscular. Maybe he's tough.
Well, maybe he's just the guy who she thinks that if anyone's going to mess with me, he's going to protect me. And so she's drawn to that. But what she does not realize yet is that someone who's broken and disconnected from themselves is absolutely nowhere close to who he is as a man. And it will never actually protect her. In fact, he will take from her rather than give to her.
Yeah, I'll take it. He won't be safe. Anyone who's broken, regardless of gender or how you identify it, you're not safe. You've got to heal some stuff within you. You don't have to be perfect. But yeah, so The Broken Man, I mean, it's like that phenomena of women who fall in love with men in jail who've committed horrific crimes. There's an amazing book, and I...
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