Jillian Turecki
speaker
1,450 appearances
11 recordings
9 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Jillian Turecki’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Sometimes it really is our highest self in the beginning. And sometimes it's just like, okay, maybe you're not being as authentic as you need to be. So we do that in the beginning because we want to, it's, it's marketing and sales and we're trying to seduce.
We want to close the deal and everyone is doing it, whether they're conscious of it or not. It's not that there's no place for that because it's, that's going to happen because oftentimes, because when we're attracted to someone, we're also really excited, right? And we're happy, but it's also important to have really important conversations of, Hey, This is something that I struggle with.
Whether it be like, you know, I get really anxious sometimes. Or sometimes, and I'm working on it, but sometimes I can get depressed. And this is what's going on when I am depressed. This is the support system that I have. But I want you to know that this is something that sometimes rears its head. Like the more real we can be with people in the beginning, the better.
So I think I answered the first question, didn't I?
But what happens is that, let me go a little further, the masks come off and then we get comfortable. And it's almost like our partner becomes like a family member. And we think, oh, they'll love me anyway. I mean, here's the thing. It's a paradox. On the one hand, you want your partner to see you at your worst and still love you. And you want to see them at their worst and be like, you know what?
If this is your worst, I love you. On the other hand... There is great value in continuing to be polite. and to be kind and to really do your best to put your best foot forward every day for yourself and for your partner.
But it's an unrealist expectation that you're always gonna be that because we're human beings and we're complicated and we have negative emotions and sadness and anger, these are all part of life. But where are you living emotionally? That's really what's important. What are you bringing consistently to the table? It's the consistency.
Why do people stay in relationships if they're not being treated well? Is that what you asked? Yeah.
Let's talk about six months in. Sometimes these red flags, and I put that in quotation marks, do only come up about six months in. And it's very difficult because six months in, if you really like someone, the attachment is there. You're already entangled.
It's really hard to disconnect. And people, it can be very disorienting. We get, and then we have, you know, even three months of bliss, three to six months of bliss. We now are part, we're living out a dream. We're living out a fantasy of what this could be.
And amazing it's been. And now I don't have to go out into the dating world. And now I can actually build this. And so it's devastating in its own way, in its own right. When six months in, all of a sudden this person is really nothing like who you thought they were.
It's actually devastating. But you got to be really strong. And if it's... It's one thing if it's like, oh... They're in a bad mood. Maybe they're a little bit cranky. Or maybe you notice something that's a little red flaggy. Then you sit down with them. You don't just say, I'm out. You sit down with them. You say, this is something that concerned me. Can we talk about it?
And then it's in that conversation or their willingness to have that conversation that really you're getting to see if they are someone who you can build with. And you are someone who is ready to build. Because it's all in that conversation. Because there's going to be things that are going to come up.
Because one of the biggest mistakes that people make, I think everyone, if they're honest with themselves, have been guilty of this, is... Many of us on an unconscious level have a blueprint of the kind of relationship we want and the blueprint of the kind of partner we want.
And so we meet someone, they're amazing, we're attracted to them, and we unconsciously project our ideal, the ideal of what we think a partner should be onto this person. And we put them up on a pedestal. And then, and this is a little, this is, I'm deviating a little bit why we stay in relationships where we're mistreated. I want to get back to that.
But this is, then we get to know each other and things get real. And we think. And again, it's usually an unconscious thought. We think, this person is not as perfect as I thought they were. What happens to the person who's on the pedestal? Whenever you're on a pedestal, you are inevitably going to become the fallen hero because you're going to fall off the pedestal.
And then things start to get real and they start to nitpick. And you're not living up to my expectations. And a lot of people break up at that moment. Why? All because they had unrealistic expectations about love and about people and about partnership. And that's something that they have to resolve within themselves.
Because the transition from the honeymoon phase to the more committed stage of the relationship, things get really real. And when things get really real, that's when you have to That's when the mirror is in front of you and you're seeing, oh, all those things that I was working on, why is this coming up now, right?
It's like, okay, this stuff is coming up right now because you're still human and there's still things coming up and you're going to see it in them. The beauty is, can you talk about it? And the beauty is also how judgmental are you? Because there's people, there are some people who are just, their expectations are too high and they're too, they have no tolerance for imperfection.
No one is.
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