Jillian Turecki

There's some deeper healing needs to go on there. Like that might require therapy. That might require looking into your family of origin and trying to understand that. There could be like for a woman who's dating a man, you know, maybe she has a very misguided understanding of what it is for a man to be masculine. Right. So a woman typically is looking for lots of different things.

But a lot of women who date men are looking for a man where she wants to feel safe. She wants to feel safe and she wants to feel seen. She wants to feel understood. Maybe she's looking for some providership and maybe that has nothing to do with money, but just has to do with energy and vibe. Right. And so then she'll look to the man who may on the outside seem strong. Maybe he's tough.

But a lot of women who date men are looking for a man where she wants to feel safe. She wants to feel safe and she wants to feel seen. She wants to feel understood. Maybe she's looking for some providership and maybe that has nothing to do with money, but just has to do with energy and vibe. Right. And so then she'll look to the man who may on the outside seem strong. Maybe he's tough.

You know, maybe his physique is big and strong. Maybe he's got a little bit of like that dark edge. So she reads it as, oh, he's going to protect me. There's something masculine and sexy about him. But on the inside, he's broken. He has no idea how to love because he doesn't know how to love himself anymore. He's not safe.

You know, maybe his physique is big and strong. Maybe he's got a little bit of like that dark edge. So she reads it as, oh, he's going to protect me. There's something masculine and sexy about him. But on the inside, he's broken. He has no idea how to love because he doesn't know how to love himself anymore. He's not safe.

He's actually very unsafe, even if not physically, he's going to be unsafe emotionally.

He's actually very unsafe, even if not physically, he's going to be unsafe emotionally.

And so there's a maturity that needs to happen to understand that like your type, you have to get under the hood of the car a little bit more and understand like if you're looking for those qualities in a person, and I'm just using this as an example, then really what's actually going to be safe is someone with strong character, someone with presence, someone who has a sense of self, right?

And so there's a maturity that needs to happen to understand that like your type, you have to get under the hood of the car a little bit more and understand like if you're looking for those qualities in a person, and I'm just using this as an example, then really what's actually going to be safe is someone with strong character, someone with presence, someone who has a sense of self, right?

who can actually feel safe in his or her own body. And when they can feel safe in their body, they can actually provide safety for you in the relationship and that you also have to understand how to make yourself safe. So there's a lot going on. I hope I'm not saying too much.

who can actually feel safe in his or her own body. And when they can feel safe in their body, they can actually provide safety for you in the relationship and that you also have to understand how to make yourself safe. So there's a lot going on. I hope I'm not saying too much.

Yeah, but so there's maturity level here. There's misguided understanding of what it is for someone to truly be embodied and safe and valued. And then there's also childhood wounding. And it could be all part of it.

Yeah, but so there's maturity level here. There's misguided understanding of what it is for someone to truly be embodied and safe and valued. And then there's also childhood wounding. And it could be all part of it.

Yes.

Yes.

So it's difficult because when you're dealing with, because what you just said, like, if you're into me, then you must be weak. But if you're not into me, then you must be strong. That's all through the filter of low self-esteem and low self-worth. It's like, what's wrong with you that you are actually into me? It's not just about accountability.

So it's difficult because when you're dealing with, because what you just said, like, if you're into me, then you must be weak. But if you're not into me, then you must be strong. That's all through the filter of low self-esteem and low self-worth. It's like, what's wrong with you that you are actually into me? It's not just about accountability.

It's like, can you see how incredibly powerful you are? that you can be the change that you want to see in your life. This isn't about like, oh, you're the problem. It's really rarely that it's one person who's the problem in a relational dynamic. Yes, it does exist for very extreme cases. And I'm never going to say that it's 50-50.

It's like, can you see how incredibly powerful you are? that you can be the change that you want to see in your life. This isn't about like, oh, you're the problem. It's really rarely that it's one person who's the problem in a relational dynamic. Yes, it does exist for very extreme cases. And I'm never going to say that it's 50-50.

You know, it really could be someone who's 70% of the quote unquote problem and someone who's 30%. But if you can see that your relationship or your life is really the product of the choices that you make, and that it's not your fault if you didn't learn. We're all trying to figure out what it really truly means to love someone. Philosophers have been...